soul breakfast

I think distance has changed me in some ways. I don't know if it is a good thing.
Sometimes i feel like insecure
Afraid of things that i should not be afraid of
And plus, lately in this few weeks
I think i'm already crushed
I'm perfectly rotten without having any reason why
I was down
I keep asking myself why
Why life is so cruel to me
Stupid me, huh?

I'm tired with my current condition
It's not that i want more than what i have right now
I just want a new thing
A new environment
A new pressure
A new JOB

I'm having too much of things, bad things instead of good things
It's too much
I wanna quit
But can't
I just want to move
But i don't have any choice so that's why i choose to stay :((
(macam kerja terpaksa-rela kan?) *sigh*

Tapi ada 2 quote yang buat aku berfikir.
That life is not that cruel to me
Life is actually trying to be fair to me
I can't get things that i want
because maybe i can get things that are better than that
better than what i want
much better, who knows
everything happen for a reason :)

' Having too much of a good thing is actually not a good thing'

Aizat told me this. :)
Which means ; it's okay if i'm having some difficulties right now, it's a normal thing, just think it in a positive way. ( oh love kamu sangat berfikiran positif terhadap saya. So sweet :) )

' pray harder and be patience. kadang2 apa yang kita nk tu kita takkan dapat sebab itu bukan yang terbaik utk kita. n stay strong as He is testing you :D '

Muna told me this. :)
Maybe i'm trying too much for myself
and i want so many things at the same time
i want this i want that and that makes me crazy. all the time.

Apa manusia itu tak pernah bersyukur kah atas apa nikmat yang dia ada?

Aku bukan tak bersyukur
Tapi tak salah kalau kita berusaha untuk mendapat yang lebih baik
Berusaha dan bertawakal

So fight for it
And smile even though you are not in that kind of mood
Everyday just smile
Be positive
:)
That is the breakfast to our soul :))

So everyone
SMILE! (^_^)

fake

stupid girl

i should have known that!


ugly
stupid
hopeless


it's me

(sabar yany sabar)

(sambil kesat air mata)


ok ok
i'm smiling right now

(damn it's a fake one)


stupid



nak aku lumat sampai macam mana lagi?

Thanks, but no thanks

ini ayat paling bodoh atau pun ayat yang dikeluarkan oleh orang yang paling bodoh

you tell me

after 2 years
someone from the past
coming back with a very nonsense and stupid confession


'saya baru putus dengan awek saya lepas awak'
'so? apa kena mengena dengan saya? ' (agak kasar tapi aku tak tahu apa tujuan)
'saya baru sedar apa yang saya buat pada awak dulu sekarang saya dah rasa'
(berfikir apa yang dia rasa)
'apa yang dah jadi pada awak?'
' dia tinggalkan saya sebab bla bla bla bla bla bla'
aku macam static, out of body experience
so what kalau kau kena dumped dengan awek kau
do you need to tell me the details of your story?
2 tahun la wey
aku dah bakar buku pasal kau

' saya rasa saya dah kena karma awak'

karma?
aku tak pernah doa yang bukan-bukan untuk kau
aku tak pernah mintak yang buruk-buruk jadi pada kau
masa kau tinggal aku
aku pergi walau berat hati
tapi aku percaya Tuhan dah rancang sesuatu yang lebih baik
dan hari ini
aku dapat yang terbaik
Aizat
haish tapi

Dia terus merapu lagi

'saya harap kalau saya dapat peluang, SAYA NAK AWK BALIK'
'saya tahu awk dah ada orang lain tapi kalau orang tu lepaskan awak, saya akan AMBIL AWAK BALIK'

BANGANG

kau ingat aku baju pakai buang ka apa?
wey bodoh gilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
nak maki tapi Aizat tak bagi
ahhh kau tetap aku maki
even cuma dalam hati

Aizat tahu aku bersedih hati
dia tahu aku takut kalau dia berubah hati
seriously if that person is standing in front of me right now
confirm makan penampar
Aku rasa down
Dia fikir aku ni apa?
Benci

dalam hati rasa benci
suddenly i got something from Aizat

' I won't leave you. Will not. I love you so much'

That wud be enough
Aizat,
you helped me
you save me

Lelaki-2-tahun lepas
back off
YOU LOSER

rejected

i wish i have the guts to be part of something
like..
going somewhere anywhere with family
or chilling with friends
or spending my whole day with aizat
having too much of anything is actually makes me sick
or not having of anything at all is driving me crazy

i'm saying the truth
i'm not in the easiest position right now
not in my easiest position

i'm already crushed without having anyone pressuring me
and i was like
breathing but not really smooth
the aorta maybe stuck somewhere i dont even know
and it cant pass the oxygen thru all the body
and now my body is having a very very very low and less oxygen
it becomes so weak
very weak

my insecurity level is at its lowest
my confidence level is at its lowest
i feel ugly


what i do
what i see
what i want
what i need
i just don't know

my condition is...messy
where am i heading to i dont even know
what am i doing i just dont understand


can someone tell me what should i do now?