rejected

i wish i have the guts to be part of something
like..
going somewhere anywhere with family
or chilling with friends
or spending my whole day with aizat
having too much of anything is actually makes me sick
or not having of anything at all is driving me crazy

i'm saying the truth
i'm not in the easiest position right now
not in my easiest position

i'm already crushed without having anyone pressuring me
and i was like
breathing but not really smooth
the aorta maybe stuck somewhere i dont even know
and it cant pass the oxygen thru all the body
and now my body is having a very very very low and less oxygen
it becomes so weak
very weak

my insecurity level is at its lowest
my confidence level is at its lowest
i feel ugly


what i do
what i see
what i want
what i need
i just don't know

my condition is...messy
where am i heading to i dont even know
what am i doing i just dont understand


can someone tell me what should i do now?