Many draft posts that are not posted..so manyyyyy. Well my bad, tak betul-betul fokus masa menulis. Tulis separuh, stopped pastu terus takda mood nak menulis balik. Lama betul blog bersawang. Huehuehue
Well I really have to cut this short. Banyak sangat nak tulis ni. Hehe. Nak mula dengan apa? :)
1. I have 2 upcoming interviews which have been scheduled this Friday and this coming Monday. Both for Government posts, J41(Jurutera awam). Satu SPA under KKM and the other one for DBKL. (dewan bandaraya Kuala Lumpur). As we all know, nak masuk gomen ni mesti ada kroni kan..well for me dua2 takda kroni pongg..haha but who knows ada rezeki kan? Mana tau worth the try ke apa.. So inshaAllah la akan pergi..KKM and DBKL tunggula daku..hehe
2. Aneeq is approaching 16 months. MasyaAllah cepat nya masa ni berlalu kan? Dia dah boleh la cakap sikit-sikit even membebel dalam bahasa dia yang lebih tak faham dari faham, but sometimes aku layankan aje. Dah boleh clearly sebut Mama, Abah, Bird, Ana(mana), and few others more. Best melayan dia sekarang, sebab memang bestla. Haha. Cuma lately ni dia sangat suka marah..kalau marah akan hentak2 kepala atas carpet(je), kalau atas lantai dia tak hentak..sanggup cari carpet dulu baru hentak kepala. Haha. Tau pulak sakit ye dok?
3. I have received so many good news dari close friends, relatives that they are expecting for 2nd baby! Wahh happy sangat kat diorang semua. Ada yang first baby not even 6 months lagi, tapi dah expecting. Rezeki murah kan? Hehe..but yang tak best bila people keep questioning me bila nak masuk yang no.2. Adoi..it is not that I don't want, but it is just that I want more time with Aneeq dulu sekarang, I mean tak puas lagi la nak manjakan dia..seriously..rasa macam dia kecik lagi..if I add one more at this time, maybe akan kurang masa dengan dia pastu dengan penat lagi..so tendency nak marah dia ke apa lagi tinggi kan, which that what I want to avoid for all this time pun. Dia pun baru nak start melasak, bagi chance dulu la. Hehe boleh? Tahun depan inshaAllah, tahun berusaha tambah anak!. Hahaha
4. We have made a very big move in our life actually. Aizat ada new project selain dari current kerja dia, he is actually having another one expanding. Dan aku baru tau kot. He brought me to the place and explained pasal project dia tu, awal-awal tu rasa macam sedih jugak, ye la why am I the last person to know about this kan? Rupa-rupanya he really wanted to tell me from the beginning lagi, tapi he didn't know how. Patutla laki aku tu romantic semacam je lately, rupanya ada udang di sebalik mee! Hehe. Well afterall, as his backbone I should support for whatever things yang dia buat pun kan. Ye la, he did it for us. Niat tu yang pasti..he really love his wife and his son..sampai kadang-kadang aku pulak yang kesian tengok. Sesibuk mana pun dia, he will make sure that he will spare at least 2-3 hours to spend it with me and Aneeq sebelum dia start buat project baru dia. And as a wife, I'm praying hard that everything will run smoothly and I believe that he will be a great man and the best husband-daddy in the world. We love you,Abah. :)
Ok, I should not leave this post as a draft lagi. But I need to stop it here. Will update if I have more in my mind. Sekian berita. Ada kerja kena buat.
TC. :)
Showing posts with label isi dalam hati. Show all posts
Showing posts with label isi dalam hati. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Monday, July 15, 2013
Dilemma
I think me and Aizat are having a big problem right now. Haha well it is about Aneeq again! Walla..
His babysitter is asking to take a full week off after raya to go back to her hometown, if I'm not mistaken in Terengganu kot. Jujurnya, my annual leave tinggal 8 hari sahaja lagi ( tak tolak cuti raya lagi tu weh!) which I've spent half of my annual leave before because of Aneeq jugak last time masa dia kena chicken pox, demam, babysitter mintak cutilah and etc etc. Haih.
Imagine that how could I survive with 8 days left until end of Dec? Dengan nak raya lagi...raya haji lagi..and not included untuk any random things that might happened in the next coming months lagi..adoi I am really in trouble seriously. wakakaa
I was thinking to let Aneeq with my mom in Alor Setar for that period while me and Aizat will back to KL and working as usual. It might sounds easy..since my mom is actually waiting for this moment for quite some time already. Haha. She loves Aneeq to the max I would say! Tapi tapi..it is just me..I can't stand a day without seeing Aneeq so tak mungkin aku mampu bertahan without seeing Aneeq for that at least 3 days..I will go crazy man! :(
One more thing about his milk la of course. Berapa bekas aku nak bawak to support him while I'm not there? I mean, tak boleh nak agak jugak sebab when he sleeps especially waktu malam, he refused to get feed with the bottle. He wants his mama jugak..aku tak sure how Aneeq will be nanti sebab kami tak pernah berpisah even for a day! Sobs sobs
Serabut la..
Rasa macam nak resign sekarang jugak. Haha
His babysitter is asking to take a full week off after raya to go back to her hometown, if I'm not mistaken in Terengganu kot. Jujurnya, my annual leave tinggal 8 hari sahaja lagi ( tak tolak cuti raya lagi tu weh!) which I've spent half of my annual leave before because of Aneeq jugak last time masa dia kena chicken pox, demam, babysitter mintak cutilah and etc etc. Haih.
Imagine that how could I survive with 8 days left until end of Dec? Dengan nak raya lagi...raya haji lagi..and not included untuk any random things that might happened in the next coming months lagi..adoi I am really in trouble seriously. wakakaa
I was thinking to let Aneeq with my mom in Alor Setar for that period while me and Aizat will back to KL and working as usual. It might sounds easy..since my mom is actually waiting for this moment for quite some time already. Haha. She loves Aneeq to the max I would say! Tapi tapi..it is just me..I can't stand a day without seeing Aneeq so tak mungkin aku mampu bertahan without seeing Aneeq for that at least 3 days..I will go crazy man! :(
One more thing about his milk la of course. Berapa bekas aku nak bawak to support him while I'm not there? I mean, tak boleh nak agak jugak sebab when he sleeps especially waktu malam, he refused to get feed with the bottle. He wants his mama jugak..aku tak sure how Aneeq will be nanti sebab kami tak pernah berpisah even for a day! Sobs sobs
Serabut la..
Rasa macam nak resign sekarang jugak. Haha
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Anak itu Rezeki
Actually I have tonnes of works to do by now but seriously I really have something that I need to jot down here.
I had my lunch with few staffs just now. We were just discussing on random things until one of us said something which..I don't agree at all. Well, yea I know different people would have different opinion but still, I can't accept it.
The topic is about babies. They actually were asking about Aneeq, so yea there's a lot to share if you ask me. Hehe. But then when I was talking about Aneeq bla and bla suddenly this girl (one of my friends also la), which actually just got married about 2-3 months ago, said that she's not ready to conceive/to have her own baby yet. She said that she would try not to get pregnant or 'bunting pelamin' la kot, for reasons that she's not ready, financial condition not stable, worrying that the preparation of having own baby will cost her a lot and etc. I was just sat there, and said nothing. I really wondered what is actually on her mind when she said that. She don't like kids or what?
So I asked her, " How about your husband? Not ready too?"
She said YES. They both are not ready. Satu sebab diorang PJJ. Okayla aku cakap. PJJ adakah means kurang kasih sayang to each other? Weekend husband and wife, so? Tak da masalah pun pada aku personally. Dah la cakap macam tu, boleh pulak add on yang they are actually planning on having the so-called honeymoon for about a year , travelling, dating and you name it la before preparing themselves to have their own baby.
Seriously, I hate that statement. Kenapa kalau dah kawin, dah ada anak, tak boleh honeymoon? Takut tak ada privacy? Hell noooo! I was bunting pelamin jugak, PJJ jugak (masa tu) but it never make me and Aizat feel less on each other pun. In fact, we still went for midnight movies, dating dekat Queensbay tepi laut tu, macam-macam lagi yang dibuat all the while aku mengandung tu. We both were really excited masa nak check gender baby, nak tahu baby growth and etc. Aku in fact macam nak gila kot when I had spotting takut miscarriage apa semua. I know, itu pendapat aku..tapi perlu ka nak cakap yang bila ada baby hidup kita akan susah? Financial akan goyah? WTheck man.
Macam-macam pulak dia bagi alasan lepas tu. Mahal la bersalin dekat private. Nak kena spend almost 10k for that purpose only. Aku dah macam..kalau dah rasa itu beban, go and deliver dekat hospital la. Bukan mahal mana pun. Cakap taknak. Service government hospital out. Mana kau tau? Aku elok je, Alhamdulillah. Susah la bila deal dengan orang yang still nak stay in the denial state. Susaaaahhh.
Seriously, I am not regret for having my own son at early stage of my marriage. I feel blessed. I am proud of it. Aku rasa dihormati di sana sini. Aku rasa bangga dapat dukung anak aku ke mana-mana aku pergi. Aku rasa rezeki aku semakin melimpah ruah dengan adanya Aneeq. Aku bangga. Betul.
Aku teringat Ustaz Azhar pernah kata something like: Kalau plan to not have kids sebab takut tak cukup duit(miskin) tu tak boleh, sebab the Quran says "..kill not your children because of poverty'-We provide sustenance for you and for them-"[6:151].
"..Kamilah yang memberi rezeki kepadamu dan kepada mereka.."[6:151].
Of course, it is not that you're killing anyone, but I kinda thought it'd be nice to know about that matter/issue in this kind of perspective. Kan?
I reaaalllly wish that the girl will read this. Harap-harap.
I had my lunch with few staffs just now. We were just discussing on random things until one of us said something which..I don't agree at all. Well, yea I know different people would have different opinion but still, I can't accept it.
The topic is about babies. They actually were asking about Aneeq, so yea there's a lot to share if you ask me. Hehe. But then when I was talking about Aneeq bla and bla suddenly this girl (one of my friends also la), which actually just got married about 2-3 months ago, said that she's not ready to conceive/to have her own baby yet. She said that she would try not to get pregnant or 'bunting pelamin' la kot, for reasons that she's not ready, financial condition not stable, worrying that the preparation of having own baby will cost her a lot and etc. I was just sat there, and said nothing. I really wondered what is actually on her mind when she said that. She don't like kids or what?
So I asked her, " How about your husband? Not ready too?"
She said YES. They both are not ready. Satu sebab diorang PJJ. Okayla aku cakap. PJJ adakah means kurang kasih sayang to each other? Weekend husband and wife, so? Tak da masalah pun pada aku personally. Dah la cakap macam tu, boleh pulak add on yang they are actually planning on having the so-called honeymoon for about a year , travelling, dating and you name it la before preparing themselves to have their own baby.
Seriously, I hate that statement. Kenapa kalau dah kawin, dah ada anak, tak boleh honeymoon? Takut tak ada privacy? Hell noooo! I was bunting pelamin jugak, PJJ jugak (masa tu) but it never make me and Aizat feel less on each other pun. In fact, we still went for midnight movies, dating dekat Queensbay tepi laut tu, macam-macam lagi yang dibuat all the while aku mengandung tu. We both were really excited masa nak check gender baby, nak tahu baby growth and etc. Aku in fact macam nak gila kot when I had spotting takut miscarriage apa semua. I know, itu pendapat aku..tapi perlu ka nak cakap yang bila ada baby hidup kita akan susah? Financial akan goyah? WTheck man.
Macam-macam pulak dia bagi alasan lepas tu. Mahal la bersalin dekat private. Nak kena spend almost 10k for that purpose only. Aku dah macam..kalau dah rasa itu beban, go and deliver dekat hospital la. Bukan mahal mana pun. Cakap taknak. Service government hospital out. Mana kau tau? Aku elok je, Alhamdulillah. Susah la bila deal dengan orang yang still nak stay in the denial state. Susaaaahhh.
Seriously, I am not regret for having my own son at early stage of my marriage. I feel blessed. I am proud of it. Aku rasa dihormati di sana sini. Aku rasa bangga dapat dukung anak aku ke mana-mana aku pergi. Aku rasa rezeki aku semakin melimpah ruah dengan adanya Aneeq. Aku bangga. Betul.
Aku teringat Ustaz Azhar pernah kata something like: Kalau plan to not have kids sebab takut tak cukup duit(miskin) tu tak boleh, sebab the Quran says "..kill not your children because of poverty'-We provide sustenance for you and for them-"[6:151].
"..Kamilah yang memberi rezeki kepadamu dan kepada mereka.."[6:151].
Of course, it is not that you're killing anyone, but I kinda thought it'd be nice to know about that matter/issue in this kind of perspective. Kan?
I reaaalllly wish that the girl will read this. Harap-harap.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Random
Since I have a bit of free time, might as well I jot something down, even though they are random and there's really nothing on my mind right now.
Thinking back, during my early years in this profession, I did overtime 5-6 times per month at least which was quite normal to me( even though I can't claim on the OT for reason of executives are not allowed to claim on OT, like what the heck I have tonnes of work to do so I have to -__-). It didn't affect me much, even socially. Mother always wondered how can I still be energetic most of the time. I still don't know how I did it. I was not yet married at that time. Must be because of I'm living with my sister in Penang, nothing much I can do when I get back home kot.
Nowadays, I am so sick of it. The funny thing is, it is less busy now since I've moved up the career ladder and changed work place. I think it is because of being a working mother, I have to fetch Aneeq and then back to home do the house chores, cook for dinner, have some quality time with husband and Aneeq so I just feel like, stay back in the office after working hours is just a waste of time. Hehe
I still remember, about 4 months after I started working, I really enjoyed the responsibilty. I was like a SuperWoman. One day, I was doing work all by myself, no one helped me even though there were tonnes to do. I didn't ask for help, because to me, I don't need to, if they were nice enough, they would help me because I always helped them. Karma tells me I should get back what I give.
So, nobody helped me. But my hard work didn't go unnoticed. My boss saw my struggle, so he gathered us in a room, and he questioned them one by one, what they were doing, when they saw me working so hard.
At last, I kindly defended them, I said, "It's not their fault, Boss, I was the one who didn't ask for help."
My boss stood there, quiet, then he said clearly, "This is the kind of friend you want to keep for the rest of your life."
Chewaaahh...!
This boss was known to be as one of the most fierce/ most strict around. Since that day, he was always so nice to me. That day, he even gave me an hour off to freshen up and scolded my staff for burdening me with even the tiniest thing.
But then, sekarang ni..Tak kuasa aku nak tolong orang yang tak tolong aku. I know it's bad lah, tak boleh lah nak revenge revenge kan, but enough bullying me! Boss dekat sini tengok on paper je pun, bukan dia fikir kita buat kerja macam mana..as long as the work is settle within our LOS ( level of service). Boss baru ni agak relax jugak kadang-kadang but then quite pushy when it comes to something that urgent. Normal la tu kan, bila dah urgent baru nak kalut. Hehe. But seriously, I kinda like this new place..no stress, happy, convenient dan dekat dengan rumah babysitter Aneeq dan rumah aku sendiri. 15 minit je dari rumah -> rumah pengasuh Aneeq -> tempat kerja. Syukur-syukur. Hehe.
I've worked in a multiracial environment before, and never in my life that I felt that I was being looked down at. In fact, I still keep in touch with my Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/friends from my previous workplace. And, we still hate the same Chinese/ Indian/ Malay, not because of his/ her race, but because of the attitude. Kalau dah lazy, kerja tah apa-apa, berlagak pulak tu, mestilah mazmumah dan patut dibenci kan...dan bagi aku it is not about the race. Kena cermin diri balik, how good we are to condemn people..before we start condemning other people, look at ourselves..bagus kah kita?
Perhaps people look down on you not because you are a Malay, but because of your mentality or attitude or your behaviour, have you ever thought about that?
The boss who defended me (as told above) was an Chinese oldman (kekekeke). The colleagues who didn't help me (as told above) were Chinese/ Indian/ Malay.
Buktikan yang kita boleh, bukan stuck di zon selesa. Takde kena mengena dengan bangsa, unless you are indeed a racist.
To me, working in a multiracial environment is better, because indirectly, I would feel a sense of responsibility not to embarrass my race/ religion. Jadi, kita pun become a better person.
-----
Haha! Aku ni lagi laa..
My zon selesa tetap di Pandan Indah. I tell you to get out from your comfort zone, but I myself insist to return to my comfort zone. (Peace!)
-----
Oh, well.
Aku sekarang memang dah tak suka kerja susah-susah. Pegi kerja pukul 8pagi balik pukul 5petang. Thats it. Ambil Aneeq dari babysitter, balik rumah penyek-penyek Aneeq kejap, and if Aneeq mood baik boleh la terus start masak kalau tak okay kena layan dia sampai dia tidur. Malam lepas Maghrib la baru start masak jawabnya. And being me, after getting married and have my own son, aku sangat rajin masak. I even asked Aizat not to worry on what to eat for dinner sebab I will make it done cuma kadang-kadang aku serabut jugak nak masak apa pastu put the blame on Aizat sebab dia jenis tak kisah nak makan apa. Hahaha.
Oh my life is so good to me. Thank you. Terima kasih Tuhan. Alhamdulillah. :)
Thinking back, during my early years in this profession, I did overtime 5-6 times per month at least which was quite normal to me( even though I can't claim on the OT for reason of executives are not allowed to claim on OT, like what the heck I have tonnes of work to do so I have to -__-). It didn't affect me much, even socially. Mother always wondered how can I still be energetic most of the time. I still don't know how I did it. I was not yet married at that time. Must be because of I'm living with my sister in Penang, nothing much I can do when I get back home kot.
Nowadays, I am so sick of it. The funny thing is, it is less busy now since I've moved up the career ladder and changed work place. I think it is because of being a working mother, I have to fetch Aneeq and then back to home do the house chores, cook for dinner, have some quality time with husband and Aneeq so I just feel like, stay back in the office after working hours is just a waste of time. Hehe
I still remember, about 4 months after I started working, I really enjoyed the responsibilty. I was like a SuperWoman. One day, I was doing work all by myself, no one helped me even though there were tonnes to do. I didn't ask for help, because to me, I don't need to, if they were nice enough, they would help me because I always helped them. Karma tells me I should get back what I give.
So, nobody helped me. But my hard work didn't go unnoticed. My boss saw my struggle, so he gathered us in a room, and he questioned them one by one, what they were doing, when they saw me working so hard.
At last, I kindly defended them, I said, "It's not their fault, Boss, I was the one who didn't ask for help."
My boss stood there, quiet, then he said clearly, "This is the kind of friend you want to keep for the rest of your life."
Chewaaahh...!
This boss was known to be as one of the most fierce/ most strict around. Since that day, he was always so nice to me. That day, he even gave me an hour off to freshen up and scolded my staff for burdening me with even the tiniest thing.
But then, sekarang ni..Tak kuasa aku nak tolong orang yang tak tolong aku. I know it's bad lah, tak boleh lah nak revenge revenge kan, but enough bullying me! Boss dekat sini tengok on paper je pun, bukan dia fikir kita buat kerja macam mana..as long as the work is settle within our LOS ( level of service). Boss baru ni agak relax jugak kadang-kadang but then quite pushy when it comes to something that urgent. Normal la tu kan, bila dah urgent baru nak kalut. Hehe. But seriously, I kinda like this new place..no stress, happy, convenient dan dekat dengan rumah babysitter Aneeq dan rumah aku sendiri. 15 minit je dari rumah -> rumah pengasuh Aneeq -> tempat kerja. Syukur-syukur. Hehe.
I've worked in a multiracial environment before, and never in my life that I felt that I was being looked down at. In fact, I still keep in touch with my Chinese/ Indian/ Malay/friends from my previous workplace. And, we still hate the same Chinese/ Indian/ Malay, not because of his/ her race, but because of the attitude. Kalau dah lazy, kerja tah apa-apa, berlagak pulak tu, mestilah mazmumah dan patut dibenci kan...dan bagi aku it is not about the race. Kena cermin diri balik, how good we are to condemn people..before we start condemning other people, look at ourselves..bagus kah kita?
Perhaps people look down on you not because you are a Malay, but because of your mentality or attitude or your behaviour, have you ever thought about that?
The boss who defended me (as told above) was an Chinese oldman (kekekeke). The colleagues who didn't help me (as told above) were Chinese/ Indian/ Malay.
Buktikan yang kita boleh, bukan stuck di zon selesa. Takde kena mengena dengan bangsa, unless you are indeed a racist.
To me, working in a multiracial environment is better, because indirectly, I would feel a sense of responsibility not to embarrass my race/ religion. Jadi, kita pun become a better person.
-----
Haha! Aku ni lagi laa..
My zon selesa tetap di Pandan Indah. I tell you to get out from your comfort zone, but I myself insist to return to my comfort zone. (Peace!)
-----
Oh, well.
Aku sekarang memang dah tak suka kerja susah-susah. Pegi kerja pukul 8pagi balik pukul 5petang. Thats it. Ambil Aneeq dari babysitter, balik rumah penyek-penyek Aneeq kejap, and if Aneeq mood baik boleh la terus start masak kalau tak okay kena layan dia sampai dia tidur. Malam lepas Maghrib la baru start masak jawabnya. And being me, after getting married and have my own son, aku sangat rajin masak. I even asked Aizat not to worry on what to eat for dinner sebab I will make it done cuma kadang-kadang aku serabut jugak nak masak apa pastu put the blame on Aizat sebab dia jenis tak kisah nak makan apa. Hahaha.
Oh my life is so good to me. Thank you. Terima kasih Tuhan. Alhamdulillah. :)
Friday, November 2, 2012
Me at 38 weeks.
Assalamuaalaikum..
Hari ni genap 38 minggu. And, i'm still working, just banyak mengadap PC je lah. Cuak sebenarnya, sebab both sisters actually deliver at 38 weeks. Barang-barang semua dah ready dalam kereta Aizat just in case of emergency. Cuma aku, maybe sebab macam cuak sangat kot..in state of denial lagi..rasa macam..'Wahhh dah November!". So far memang tak da apa-apa tanda lagi..just kadang-kadang jadi false contraction gitu..main-main pulak baby boy aku neh kan..
Next week aku ada check up untuk 38 minggu ++ dengan Klinik Kesihatan Ampang. Rasanya last check up kot kat sini. My parents wanted me to go back to Alor Setar for the delivery. Ikutkan hati tak kisah mana-mana pun, as long as hubby is there..seriously, tak mau la aku meneran sorang-sorang without Aizat..harap-harap Allah mudahkan perjalanan tu nanti..
So based on due date, 2 weeks from now is on 16 Nov 2012. Maternity leave aku maybe start a week earlier kot. Gamble je lah nanti, mintak Aizat hantar balik Alor Setar, hopefully sempat la balik nanti.
Aku ada baca few blogs regarding on the tips to deliver. e.g : tanda-tanda nak bersalin and what to do when you started to feel the pain of delivery. Wey aku sampai nangis kot baca each of the post. Pengalaman setiap orang tak sama, ada yang senang, ada yang susah gila. Well, sakit bersalin tu berbaloi la kan dengan rahmat dan nikmat yang Allah kurniakan untuk seorang wanita. Itu je yang aku fikir. Whatever happens, it comes with reason.
Mak aku and in law actually macam risau sikit in case by next week aku dah deliver, which means aku akan deliver dekat KL la kan. To be truth, kalau aku bersalin dekat KL yang ada cuma aku..dan Aizat. Sebab both mom n in law tak dapat turun ke KL sebab adik and adik ipar aku both kena sit for SPM which akan start this 5th Nov. Aku anggap ni dugaan. To be honest, sapa tak sedih kan?
Kalau ikutkan mak aku, dia memang suruh balik this weekend jugak. The problem is that, annual leave aku pun just ada ngam-ngam for a week. More than that maybe kena apply no pay la kot. Since doctor advised to just stick to my EDD date which falls on 16th Nov, aku kena apply maternity leave on that day. Tak boleh awal dari tu. HQ tak kasi..huhu
Tapi kalau deliver awal, then maternity leave will falls on that day lah. Kalau terlewat dari due, there you go..di situla annual leave akan digunakan. Serba- salah aku ni.. Mak sangat risau dengan condition aku yang cuma ada Aizat, and yes aku pun kesiankan Aizat jugak. Setiap kali terjadi false contraction tu, dia mesti panik..mesti tanya..'nak abang panggil ambulans ka?' Kadang-kadang dia sampai tak makan, and tak mandi bila tengok aku dah memusing sana sini sebab perut memulas and akan temankan aku sampai la aku okay tak pun aku tertido terus. Huhu. Thanks hubby..Jasamu dikenang..
Ada kawan aku di Unit Penang yang due date a week after dari aku pun dah start rasa pain tu dah. She is actually dah applied for maternity leave since doctor told her that she might delivered 2 weeks earlier than her due date. Selalu message aku informed 'kesakitan' dia tu. Uhuk3, aku cuaaakkk..satu, sebab why I don't feel anything eventho the baby already engaged and second is that..weyyy sakit kot kalau contraction yang betul-betul tu! Especially time kena seluk, kawan aku cakap boleh menitik-nitik air mata time kena seluk just to check berapa cm dah bukak jalan. Cuak wey...cuaaaakkkkk -___-
Emmm dah la dah la tak nak tulis apa-apa lagi. Tahap kecuakan aku dah sampai petala lapan dah ni..Tetiba emo. Nak balik cepat peluk Aizat kuat-kuat. Huuu
Bye
Hari ni genap 38 minggu. And, i'm still working, just banyak mengadap PC je lah. Cuak sebenarnya, sebab both sisters actually deliver at 38 weeks. Barang-barang semua dah ready dalam kereta Aizat just in case of emergency. Cuma aku, maybe sebab macam cuak sangat kot..in state of denial lagi..rasa macam..'Wahhh dah November!". So far memang tak da apa-apa tanda lagi..just kadang-kadang jadi false contraction gitu..main-main pulak baby boy aku neh kan..
Next week aku ada check up untuk 38 minggu ++ dengan Klinik Kesihatan Ampang. Rasanya last check up kot kat sini. My parents wanted me to go back to Alor Setar for the delivery. Ikutkan hati tak kisah mana-mana pun, as long as hubby is there..seriously, tak mau la aku meneran sorang-sorang without Aizat..harap-harap Allah mudahkan perjalanan tu nanti..
So based on due date, 2 weeks from now is on 16 Nov 2012. Maternity leave aku maybe start a week earlier kot. Gamble je lah nanti, mintak Aizat hantar balik Alor Setar, hopefully sempat la balik nanti.
Aku ada baca few blogs regarding on the tips to deliver. e.g : tanda-tanda nak bersalin and what to do when you started to feel the pain of delivery. Wey aku sampai nangis kot baca each of the post. Pengalaman setiap orang tak sama, ada yang senang, ada yang susah gila. Well, sakit bersalin tu berbaloi la kan dengan rahmat dan nikmat yang Allah kurniakan untuk seorang wanita. Itu je yang aku fikir. Whatever happens, it comes with reason.
Mak aku and in law actually macam risau sikit in case by next week aku dah deliver, which means aku akan deliver dekat KL la kan. To be truth, kalau aku bersalin dekat KL yang ada cuma aku..dan Aizat. Sebab both mom n in law tak dapat turun ke KL sebab adik and adik ipar aku both kena sit for SPM which akan start this 5th Nov. Aku anggap ni dugaan. To be honest, sapa tak sedih kan?
Kalau ikutkan mak aku, dia memang suruh balik this weekend jugak. The problem is that, annual leave aku pun just ada ngam-ngam for a week. More than that maybe kena apply no pay la kot. Since doctor advised to just stick to my EDD date which falls on 16th Nov, aku kena apply maternity leave on that day. Tak boleh awal dari tu. HQ tak kasi..huhu
Tapi kalau deliver awal, then maternity leave will falls on that day lah. Kalau terlewat dari due, there you go..di situla annual leave akan digunakan. Serba- salah aku ni.. Mak sangat risau dengan condition aku yang cuma ada Aizat, and yes aku pun kesiankan Aizat jugak. Setiap kali terjadi false contraction tu, dia mesti panik..mesti tanya..'nak abang panggil ambulans ka?' Kadang-kadang dia sampai tak makan, and tak mandi bila tengok aku dah memusing sana sini sebab perut memulas and akan temankan aku sampai la aku okay tak pun aku tertido terus. Huhu. Thanks hubby..Jasamu dikenang..
Ada kawan aku di Unit Penang yang due date a week after dari aku pun dah start rasa pain tu dah. She is actually dah applied for maternity leave since doctor told her that she might delivered 2 weeks earlier than her due date. Selalu message aku informed 'kesakitan' dia tu. Uhuk3, aku cuaaakkk..satu, sebab why I don't feel anything eventho the baby already engaged and second is that..weyyy sakit kot kalau contraction yang betul-betul tu! Especially time kena seluk, kawan aku cakap boleh menitik-nitik air mata time kena seluk just to check berapa cm dah bukak jalan. Cuak wey...cuaaaakkkkk -___-
Emmm dah la dah la tak nak tulis apa-apa lagi. Tahap kecuakan aku dah sampai petala lapan dah ni..Tetiba emo. Nak balik cepat peluk Aizat kuat-kuat. Huuu
Bye
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Sneak a peek
Well hey, it's 36 weeks already! Ya Allah, i am so nervous and i feel like my whole body is shaking whenever I think about it. Seriously.
I am so blessed for not having too much of problems or craving for foods like crazy during my pregnancy period. Most of the time, when I feel like eating something, I will go and get it by myself since my husband is too far away and we are not living together yet since we get married due to work demands. Well yeah, I have to admit that it was the time when I really need my husband the most ; frankly speaking. But Alhamdulillah, everything is so clear right now, I finally with my husband when i'm approaching my 3rd trimester. Hmm better late than never, isn't?
I just wanna share few things about my 3D/4D checked up. I did my 3D/4D scan at Klinik Fauziah and Rakan-rakan in Ampang. The sonographer, Ms Jezzlyn is the best ever. Her service is highly recommended to all moms to be since she is so soft and very gentle handling me and my baby during the scanning progress. At first my baby refused to show his face and we are getting so upset since we cannot see his face. Then, Ms Jezz slowly talked to my baby and then my baby suddenly removed his hands and his face can be seen in the monitor and i was like, Subhanallah..that's my baby! He moved here and there, siap menguap lagi..tunjuk pipi tembam which is exactly like his mother! Whehe.. Aizat was so excited and he keep on saying..'Ha..ikut mama dia la..hidung ikut mama jugak..' sounds like macam dia upset sikit sebab for what we saw our baby memang ikut muka mama yang banyak compared to him..hehe..sorry Abah! :)
At first, i was reluctant to do the 3D/4D scan since i'm approaching 35 weeks already. And based on the review, normally at this period it is so hard to see the baby, only his/her movement can be seen and not really full captured. Tapi lepas kena pujuk dengan Aizat, then i agreed to go..bukan apa, takut aku frust je nanti kalau tak dapat tengok muka baby..But i was so lucky because i can see my baby and his cute face. Heee, syukur Alhamdulillah.. It's really worth it..seriously.
Here, lets see how my baby looks like after the 3D/4D scan. :)
He is so chubby kan? Like his mother. ^__^.. Actually, got few more photos captured, but this is the best shot for me I think...and got few videos jugak. Tiap-tiap malam aku akan tengok video tu sambil belek-belek gambar yang sempat captured. Macam dah mabuk cinta nampaknya..hee
Well, my little baby...you are now is still in Mama's tummy, if only you know..how Mama and Abah are so excited to see you and to have you in our arms. Stay healthy inside and not even a month pun my darling..we will be together..InsyaAllah..
Can't wait! :)
I am so blessed for not having too much of problems or craving for foods like crazy during my pregnancy period. Most of the time, when I feel like eating something, I will go and get it by myself since my husband is too far away and we are not living together yet since we get married due to work demands. Well yeah, I have to admit that it was the time when I really need my husband the most ; frankly speaking. But Alhamdulillah, everything is so clear right now, I finally with my husband when i'm approaching my 3rd trimester. Hmm better late than never, isn't?
I just wanna share few things about my 3D/4D checked up. I did my 3D/4D scan at Klinik Fauziah and Rakan-rakan in Ampang. The sonographer, Ms Jezzlyn is the best ever. Her service is highly recommended to all moms to be since she is so soft and very gentle handling me and my baby during the scanning progress. At first my baby refused to show his face and we are getting so upset since we cannot see his face. Then, Ms Jezz slowly talked to my baby and then my baby suddenly removed his hands and his face can be seen in the monitor and i was like, Subhanallah..that's my baby! He moved here and there, siap menguap lagi..tunjuk pipi tembam which is exactly like his mother! Whehe.. Aizat was so excited and he keep on saying..'Ha..ikut mama dia la..hidung ikut mama jugak..' sounds like macam dia upset sikit sebab for what we saw our baby memang ikut muka mama yang banyak compared to him..hehe..sorry Abah! :)
At first, i was reluctant to do the 3D/4D scan since i'm approaching 35 weeks already. And based on the review, normally at this period it is so hard to see the baby, only his/her movement can be seen and not really full captured. Tapi lepas kena pujuk dengan Aizat, then i agreed to go..bukan apa, takut aku frust je nanti kalau tak dapat tengok muka baby..But i was so lucky because i can see my baby and his cute face. Heee, syukur Alhamdulillah.. It's really worth it..seriously.
Here, lets see how my baby looks like after the 3D/4D scan. :)
He is so chubby kan? Like his mother. ^__^.. Actually, got few more photos captured, but this is the best shot for me I think...and got few videos jugak. Tiap-tiap malam aku akan tengok video tu sambil belek-belek gambar yang sempat captured. Macam dah mabuk cinta nampaknya..hee
Well, my little baby...you are now is still in Mama's tummy, if only you know..how Mama and Abah are so excited to see you and to have you in our arms. Stay healthy inside and not even a month pun my darling..we will be together..InsyaAllah..
Can't wait! :)
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Syukur, finally
Alhamdulillah, its official!
Finally, after almost 9 months waiting for this letter, now I'm officially being offered as a new executive at Central Planning Unit in Pandan Indah. :)
Seriously, I don't know how my new job will treat me but whatever happens in the future, I believe that everything will be just fine and yeah, hopefully it will treat me good :) This is the life i've been waiting for soooo long kan, so apa-apa jadi pun kena hadap jugak la. Betul tak? Hehe
Rumah sewa alhamdulillah finally dapat jugak. Rental RM600 per month. Ok la tu, based on Aizat's observation masa pegi tengok rumah, still in a good condition. View dari balcony belakang rumah pun boleh terus nampak KLCC. Jarak rumah dari tempat kerja dalam 3km je. Hehe. Near to the Hospital Ampang jugak. Wahhh pandai betul laki aku cari rumah sewa eh? Kalau emergency nak deliver ka apa boleh terus ke Hospital Ampang je, kan?
Lori sewa pun dah booked. Penghantaran barang dari Penang ke Kuala Lumpur include dengan 2 orang pekerja agensi tu ambik RM900. Fuhh laju gila duit habis this month. Tak pa lah, for the better future jugak kan..Barang nak diangkut pun banyak jugak kot, peti ais, washing machine, katil, almari baju, meja makan, sofa and etc. Kira complete set lah senang. Memang sakit kepala jugak la aku and Aizat fikir macam mana nak arrange date nak settle semua within this month. Ye la, I have not be given any transfer leave since I was the one who actually asked to be transferred. So memang schedule for September sangat la tight with all the work loads and these stuffs too. Harap-harap everything will be fine je lah, aku apply leave on 28th Sept 12 and then 29th Sept lori sewa angkut barang, on the same day also aku dengan Aizat akan berangkat ke KL. Aku kena lapor diri on 1st Oct so seriously I won't be having any free days left. Huhu
So dear friends, please wish me luck for my new job environment in KL. Hopefully, me,Aizat and my little one inside will be having a better future nanti. InsyaAllah.
Amin :)
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Paranoid
Why do we hurt the most, the ones that we love the most?
It is only me, or it is also about you?
Think. Think. Think.
It's okay.
You can't kill me by the way.
I'm stronger more than you think.
Believe me.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Crap (ver.1)
I wonder, if you broke a heart one too many times, how long will it take to mend?
Sigh. I just had to get it out of my system. I feel a bit better writing this crap. So uncharacteristic of my virtual character maybe, but who cares. I won't even delete this crap in the morning, because this entry and I, we don't have a one night stand kinda relationship. And no, I am not PMS-ing. Patutlah orang suka tulis these kind of entries, it's sometimes make things better. I hate controlling macho and having to be strong all the time. I'm a girl, I'm allowed to complain all the time kan? ( ye lah tu!)
I'm allowed to sound crazy without being labelled as emo or crazy once in a while too. Memanglah tak cool bila tiba-tiba start blabbing and lose your cool. Tapi I know sometimes surely other people pun too secretly nak jugak just release all the ke-tak-puas-an sekali sekala kan? Tapi you can't. Cause you think people will be judging you (you're right, they do judge you). And over one night nanti akan runtuh satu imej yang you have been trying to build for years. Mesti bosan kalau aku asyik mengeluh macamni. Nanti orang rasa kena pujuk pulak. JUST DON'T. Aku tak ingin dipujuk pun. I just want to be heard. Lagi best kalau lepastu pretend macam I never wrote this. Sekali sekala takpa kot. Ah, peduli apa. You can't help me.
Sigh. The road is bleak, and there always exists a hope that someone somewhere can miraculously change everything, maybe eliminate the vacuity in my heart cause no one in my life right now can. Drama gila ayat. And while I know that the person can only be me, I can't help but wish that it could be someone else, because I'm too tired to do it myself.
Seperti orang lain, aku juga penat memikirkan perkara yang sesuai untuk dikatakan dan melayan semua orang seperti mereka China dolls yang akan pecah jika aku telah mengatakan sesuatu yang salah.
Aku juga penat kerana sering disalahfaham, atau tak difahami langsung, langsung tak.
Sigh. (lagi)
Lepas tu nangis. Haih. Lembik.
Bye.
Sigh. I just had to get it out of my system. I feel a bit better writing this crap. So uncharacteristic of my virtual character maybe, but who cares. I won't even delete this crap in the morning, because this entry and I, we don't have a one night stand kinda relationship. And no, I am not PMS-ing. Patutlah orang suka tulis these kind of entries, it's sometimes make things better. I hate controlling macho and having to be strong all the time. I'm a girl, I'm allowed to complain all the time kan? ( ye lah tu!)
I'm allowed to sound crazy without being labelled as emo or crazy once in a while too. Memanglah tak cool bila tiba-tiba start blabbing and lose your cool. Tapi I know sometimes surely other people pun too secretly nak jugak just release all the ke-tak-puas-an sekali sekala kan? Tapi you can't. Cause you think people will be judging you (you're right, they do judge you). And over one night nanti akan runtuh satu imej yang you have been trying to build for years. Mesti bosan kalau aku asyik mengeluh macamni. Nanti orang rasa kena pujuk pulak. JUST DON'T. Aku tak ingin dipujuk pun. I just want to be heard. Lagi best kalau lepastu pretend macam I never wrote this. Sekali sekala takpa kot. Ah, peduli apa. You can't help me.
Sigh. The road is bleak, and there always exists a hope that someone somewhere can miraculously change everything, maybe eliminate the vacuity in my heart cause no one in my life right now can. Drama gila ayat. And while I know that the person can only be me, I can't help but wish that it could be someone else, because I'm too tired to do it myself.
Seperti orang lain, aku juga penat memikirkan perkara yang sesuai untuk dikatakan dan melayan semua orang seperti mereka China dolls yang akan pecah jika aku telah mengatakan sesuatu yang salah.
Aku juga penat kerana sering disalahfaham, atau tak difahami langsung, langsung tak.
Sigh. (lagi)
Lepas tu nangis. Haih. Lembik.
Bye.
Friday, January 20, 2012
(Doa), Tuhan Kirimkan Aku Sabar ver.2
Ada perkara yang kita tak dapat or tak mampu nak cakap depan-depan, but by expressing our feeling in the blog is the best option. It took me quite sometime jugak nak post cerita baru sebelum i came out with 'Criminal Mind'. Aku ingat kan dah tak ada silent reader, tapi tak sangka Aizat masih tetap setia.
Well, Aizat dah baca pun post aku yang sebelum ni. Surprisingly, dia okay je. In fact, dia yang banyak tenangkan aku. Dia faham kenapa aku jadi macam tu. Mungkin sebab aku duduk sorang-sorang, i've got nothing much to do so yea hasutan syaitan dan fikiran yang buruk-buruk akan cuba nak telan aku. Tak susah mana pun.
He tried to save me dari drowning dalam otak primitif aku yang dah sarat dengan negative thoughts. I admit that, for the past few days aku agak banyak jauhkan diri dari Aizat. I don't pick up his calls, i don't even reply his messages. I just don't. Aku sendiri pun tak sedar why i did that. Seriously. Aku just rasa macam tak nak pick up and tak nak reply. But i don't have any intention to make things worse. Like seriously.
Bila aku solat, aku akan mohon pada Allah untuk kuatkan hati aku dan tenangkan fikiran aku. I tried to forget all those things that killing me. Inside and outside. Scary tahu tak. Alhamdulillah, Aizat tak cepat melatah. He is sooo cool. Tetap sabar dan tanya, " Macam mana lagi sayang nak abang buat?" " Apa lagi yang boleh abang buat?" You know, he tried to comfort me as much as he could. It is just me. Just me.
Alhamdulillah, things are getting better. Aku macam dah boleh berfungsi dan berfikir dengan lebih matang dan jaaauuhhh lebih baik compared to last few days. Doa aku sampai pada Allah, ketenangan hati dan kelapangan dada ni semua datang dari Dia. Kan?
Syukur sangat sebab Aizat dapat accept my weakness when our marriage is just less than 2 weeks dah. Akad nikah pun dah tinggal berapa hari je lagi. I'm so sad, when everybody else who is getting married mesti excited gila counting for their big day, while me..just such a loser. I'm so sorry future husband..
InsyaAllah, hopefully there's no more fight, no more tears, no more negative thoughts, yang ada just both of us, to love each other, counting the days together, and stick to each other sampai mati. InsyaAllah.
Kawan-kawan, do pray for us okay. Mohon. :)
* Future husband, i love u!*
Well, Aizat dah baca pun post aku yang sebelum ni. Surprisingly, dia okay je. In fact, dia yang banyak tenangkan aku. Dia faham kenapa aku jadi macam tu. Mungkin sebab aku duduk sorang-sorang, i've got nothing much to do so yea hasutan syaitan dan fikiran yang buruk-buruk akan cuba nak telan aku. Tak susah mana pun.
He tried to save me dari drowning dalam otak primitif aku yang dah sarat dengan negative thoughts. I admit that, for the past few days aku agak banyak jauhkan diri dari Aizat. I don't pick up his calls, i don't even reply his messages. I just don't. Aku sendiri pun tak sedar why i did that. Seriously. Aku just rasa macam tak nak pick up and tak nak reply. But i don't have any intention to make things worse. Like seriously.
Bila aku solat, aku akan mohon pada Allah untuk kuatkan hati aku dan tenangkan fikiran aku. I tried to forget all those things that killing me. Inside and outside. Scary tahu tak. Alhamdulillah, Aizat tak cepat melatah. He is sooo cool. Tetap sabar dan tanya, " Macam mana lagi sayang nak abang buat?" " Apa lagi yang boleh abang buat?" You know, he tried to comfort me as much as he could. It is just me. Just me.
Alhamdulillah, things are getting better. Aku macam dah boleh berfungsi dan berfikir dengan lebih matang dan jaaauuhhh lebih baik compared to last few days. Doa aku sampai pada Allah, ketenangan hati dan kelapangan dada ni semua datang dari Dia. Kan?
Syukur sangat sebab Aizat dapat accept my weakness when our marriage is just less than 2 weeks dah. Akad nikah pun dah tinggal berapa hari je lagi. I'm so sad, when everybody else who is getting married mesti excited gila counting for their big day, while me..just such a loser. I'm so sorry future husband..
InsyaAllah, hopefully there's no more fight, no more tears, no more negative thoughts, yang ada just both of us, to love each other, counting the days together, and stick to each other sampai mati. InsyaAllah.
Kawan-kawan, do pray for us okay. Mohon. :)
* Future husband, i love u!*
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Criminal Mind
Betul orang tua-tua cakap, semakin dekat hari penyatuan, semakin banyak godaan dan dugaan yang menimpa. Well, i don't know how to express my feelings anymore. Bercampur-aduk. Aku fikir banyak sangat ke apa? I just don't know.
Something happened and it reminds me of the future marriage that we'll be having soon. I'm not scared of the marriage. I'm just scared of myself. Am i going to be a good wife to him? Am i going to be a good mother to his kids? Am i going to be someone reliable, someone that can be depend on, or someone better than who i am today? Aku boleh ke? Aku mampu ke?
We keep on arguing on stupid things, which i am the one that 'created' the fight. Makin lama makin aku perasan yang Aizat dah macam malas nak melayan. Then, aku akan rasa macam being abandoned. Macam bodoh gila. Aku rasa down, rasa sedih, rasa macam Aizat dah tak sayang aku lagi. Like seriously, he is going to be my husband in less than 3 weeks! What do i expect? Bodoh kan?
Seriously, aku rindu zaman bercinta dulu. Ada banyak sangat benda nak cerita, nak share. Cakap berjam-jam pun tak apa, asalkan boleh bercakap dan bercakap dan bercakap sampai habis kredit walaupun dah topup 3 kali on the same day. Zaman tu zaman bunga-bunga kot. Zaman muda. Zaman rasa bercinta.
Then, lepas tunang aku perasan we are heading to a 'matured' relationship. Dah tak bercakap phone lama-lama, just kadang-kadang je la kot. Tapi masih ada. Aku still boleh jadi budak kecil yang sentiasa mahukan perhatian Aizat. And yes, he will always be there whenever i need him. You name it, bila-bila aku merajuk, aku mengada-ada, dia ada. I feel like our love is expanding more and more and moreeeee.
Tapi, bila dekat-dekat nak kahwin ni dah tak banyak benda nak cakap. Tak ada benda nak cerita. Tak ada benda nak share. Bila cakap phone je kami lebih banyak diam and concentrate on what we are doing at that particular time but with the phone in our hands. Sampai masa aku rasa macam, ' ok, i've had enough..', aku akan tanya dia, " Abang ada apa-apa lagi tak nak cakap?", dan dia akan reply after a long paused with, " emm dah tak da apa kot nak cakap. Sayang?". And, and, and suddenly aku akan rasa macam omaigod, sedih kot. I've been waiting for the whole day after work to talk with him but end up, 'tak da apa nak cakap'? Ok.
Bila aku teringat balik what we've been through selama ni, aku menangis. Semalam la the worst ever. Aku menangis dan menangis. Duduk sorang-sorang pulak tu. Bosan tahu? I need someone to talk, aku tiap-tiap hari call mak sebab saja nak sembang-sembang. Tapi takkan nak harap aku bergayut dengan mak sampai berjam-jam? Habis Papa tak payah makan? Baju tak payah gosok? Sebab tu aku rasa nak nak nakkk sangat spend the night dengan orang tersayang. Tapi bila dah tak ada apa nak cakap, dua-dua rasa bosan then i will start a fight. Ada saja la tak kena. Macam-macam. ( Okay, rasa nak terjun bangunan sekarang)
I feel veryyyyyy bad when Aizat asking me to give him some space. Like seriously, mana pernah dia cakap macam tu. Rasa macam kena tikam dekat dada. He needs some space when the marriage is just around the corner? (Okay, jom hentak kepala ke dinding pulak)
I shall stop here. Nak nangis dah rasa. This is the honest post ever. Mata aku dah bengkak teruk hari ni. Semua orang ingat aku sakit mata. Lantaklah. Asalkan korang bahagia.
I should find something to do lepas ni to hide this feeling and all the stupid stuffs in my head. Biarla kepala ni pecah. Biar semua idea dan fikiran jahat terbang pergi dekat orang lain.
Bye.
Something happened and it reminds me of the future marriage that we'll be having soon. I'm not scared of the marriage. I'm just scared of myself. Am i going to be a good wife to him? Am i going to be a good mother to his kids? Am i going to be someone reliable, someone that can be depend on, or someone better than who i am today? Aku boleh ke? Aku mampu ke?
We keep on arguing on stupid things, which i am the one that 'created' the fight. Makin lama makin aku perasan yang Aizat dah macam malas nak melayan. Then, aku akan rasa macam being abandoned. Macam bodoh gila. Aku rasa down, rasa sedih, rasa macam Aizat dah tak sayang aku lagi. Like seriously, he is going to be my husband in less than 3 weeks! What do i expect? Bodoh kan?
Seriously, aku rindu zaman bercinta dulu. Ada banyak sangat benda nak cerita, nak share. Cakap berjam-jam pun tak apa, asalkan boleh bercakap dan bercakap dan bercakap sampai habis kredit walaupun dah topup 3 kali on the same day. Zaman tu zaman bunga-bunga kot. Zaman muda. Zaman rasa bercinta.
Then, lepas tunang aku perasan we are heading to a 'matured' relationship. Dah tak bercakap phone lama-lama, just kadang-kadang je la kot. Tapi masih ada. Aku still boleh jadi budak kecil yang sentiasa mahukan perhatian Aizat. And yes, he will always be there whenever i need him. You name it, bila-bila aku merajuk, aku mengada-ada, dia ada. I feel like our love is expanding more and more and moreeeee.
Tapi, bila dekat-dekat nak kahwin ni dah tak banyak benda nak cakap. Tak ada benda nak cerita. Tak ada benda nak share. Bila cakap phone je kami lebih banyak diam and concentrate on what we are doing at that particular time but with the phone in our hands. Sampai masa aku rasa macam, ' ok, i've had enough..', aku akan tanya dia, " Abang ada apa-apa lagi tak nak cakap?", dan dia akan reply after a long paused with, " emm dah tak da apa kot nak cakap. Sayang?". And, and, and suddenly aku akan rasa macam omaigod, sedih kot. I've been waiting for the whole day after work to talk with him but end up, 'tak da apa nak cakap'? Ok.
Bila aku teringat balik what we've been through selama ni, aku menangis. Semalam la the worst ever. Aku menangis dan menangis. Duduk sorang-sorang pulak tu. Bosan tahu? I need someone to talk, aku tiap-tiap hari call mak sebab saja nak sembang-sembang. Tapi takkan nak harap aku bergayut dengan mak sampai berjam-jam? Habis Papa tak payah makan? Baju tak payah gosok? Sebab tu aku rasa nak nak nakkk sangat spend the night dengan orang tersayang. Tapi bila dah tak ada apa nak cakap, dua-dua rasa bosan then i will start a fight. Ada saja la tak kena. Macam-macam. ( Okay, rasa nak terjun bangunan sekarang)
I feel veryyyyyy bad when Aizat asking me to give him some space. Like seriously, mana pernah dia cakap macam tu. Rasa macam kena tikam dekat dada. He needs some space when the marriage is just around the corner? (Okay, jom hentak kepala ke dinding pulak)
I shall stop here. Nak nangis dah rasa. This is the honest post ever. Mata aku dah bengkak teruk hari ni. Semua orang ingat aku sakit mata. Lantaklah. Asalkan korang bahagia.
I should find something to do lepas ni to hide this feeling and all the stupid stuffs in my head. Biarla kepala ni pecah. Biar semua idea dan fikiran jahat terbang pergi dekat orang lain.
Bye.
Friday, January 13, 2012
I love my Papa
Sejak dari kecil aku memang sangat rapat dengan ayah aku, which i called him Papa. Dari kecil aku lebih banyak didodoikan Papa sebelum tidur, disuapkan Papa bila aku lapar, dimenangkan Papa bila aku yang salah. Bukan aku tak rapat dengan Mak, tapi disebabkan jarak umur aku dengan Acu (which is my younger sister) is only 1 year 2 months jadi perhatian Mak lebih pada Acu berbanding pada aku.
Aku masih ingat di kala aku mahu Mak dodoikan aku, Mak akan suruh Papa yang dodoikan sebab Acu masih sangat kecil dan merengek-rengek mahukan Mak. Papa akan kendong aku dari belakang dan bawa aku tidur. Dan bila semakin besar, aku rasakan aku agak lebih kental berbanding adik beradik yang lain. Aku lebih kasar, lebih berani, lebih nakal, lebih dari orang lain. Dan yang pasti, aku yang paling rapat dengan Papa sampai la sekarang.
Adik beradik aku yang lain cukup takut dengan Papa. Tak berani nak melawan kata Papa. Tapi aku? Aku yang paling lantang bersuara kalau aku tak puas hati. Paling rebellious. Tapi bukan la sampai langsung tak mendengar kata, cuma biasala zaman remaja. Zaman memberontak.
Bila dah menjengah alam dewasa, boleh dikatakan setiap perkara Papa pasti akan menangkan aku. Kalau pun hal yang jadi memang terang-terang salah aku, Papa susah sangat nak marah kan aku. Adik beradik yang lain selalu tak puas hati dan selalu cakap, " Ye lah, Papa kan paling sayang Atam." ( Atam ialah nama timangan aku di rumah) Walaupun kadang-kadang aku rasa tindakan Papa menangkan aku adalah bukan tindakan yang patut beliau buat, tapi mungkin Papa sendiri pun tak sedar yang dia memang akan lebihkan aku.
Sampai la sekarang aku dah hampir sangat nak jadi isteri orang, Papa masih macam tu. Bagus jugak bila jadi Papa's favourite child. Tapi macam mana pun, bagi aku Papa adalah sangaatttt garang masa kami kecik-kecik dulu. Kalau dapat result teruk je dalam exam mesti kena sebat dengan rotan. Tapi, aku lah orang yang selalu senbunyikan rotan papa. Lepas tu buat muka macam tak tahu apa-apa. Buat muka tak bersalah is one of my best talent.
Bila dah makin besar, kakak-kakak aku pun dah kahwin, aku pulak soon-to-be, acu pun soon-to-be ( lepas raya tahun ni kot), and my youngest sister pun dah masuk form 5, Papa dah tak segarang dulu. Papa pun cakap theres no point to get mad or garang lagi, we do have own life, our own career so baik buruk dah boleh fikir sendiri.
Yang paling aku perasan pasal Papa is that, when it comes to my marriage he is soooo excited sampai aku rasa dia nak tukar semua dalam rumah to a new one. Dari curtain, add few more on the furniture, Papa siap nak pasang bunga api lagi masa lepas aku potong kek during the wedding day. I was like, " Papa, mana ada orang pasang bunga api siang-siang!" He just replied, " Takpala, orang lain tak buat, Papa yang buat. " See? Dia memang selalu nak menang.
Banyaakk lagi benda yang dia sacrifice duit, masa, tenaga for my wedding. Aku of course la just focus on the basic preparation je. Basic tu pun, dari pakej perkahwinan ( pelamin, baju, meja makan, hiasan bilik tidur), hantaran, kad kawin sampaila ke goodies bag dah sampai beribu-ribu. Ni tambah pulak dengan Papa yang excited gila hias rumah. Macam happy sangat je nak lepas aku dekat orang lain kan? *__*
Bila tengok Papa yang too excited for my wedding ni, Kakak and Angah aku pun macam bising jugak. Diorang selalu cakap, " Amboi Papa, masa kami kawin dulu Papa tak beli perabot baru pun." Tak pun, " Eh, curtain baru? Tak aciii." Papa senyum je. Dia takkan balas apa-apa. Aku sebagai anak yang paling rapat dengan Papa dan dengan semangat nak back-up Papa, aku akan balas,
" Papa saja nak tukaq angin la tu. Bukan nya selalu pun."
Papa akan senyum lagi.
Tapi, dalam hati aku, aku sentiasa akan ingat,
" Oh betul. Papa memang sayang aku lebih dari sapa-sapa."
Tamak gila.
Hahahahaha. :p
Aku masih ingat di kala aku mahu Mak dodoikan aku, Mak akan suruh Papa yang dodoikan sebab Acu masih sangat kecil dan merengek-rengek mahukan Mak. Papa akan kendong aku dari belakang dan bawa aku tidur. Dan bila semakin besar, aku rasakan aku agak lebih kental berbanding adik beradik yang lain. Aku lebih kasar, lebih berani, lebih nakal, lebih dari orang lain. Dan yang pasti, aku yang paling rapat dengan Papa sampai la sekarang.
Adik beradik aku yang lain cukup takut dengan Papa. Tak berani nak melawan kata Papa. Tapi aku? Aku yang paling lantang bersuara kalau aku tak puas hati. Paling rebellious. Tapi bukan la sampai langsung tak mendengar kata, cuma biasala zaman remaja. Zaman memberontak.
Bila dah menjengah alam dewasa, boleh dikatakan setiap perkara Papa pasti akan menangkan aku. Kalau pun hal yang jadi memang terang-terang salah aku, Papa susah sangat nak marah kan aku. Adik beradik yang lain selalu tak puas hati dan selalu cakap, " Ye lah, Papa kan paling sayang Atam." ( Atam ialah nama timangan aku di rumah) Walaupun kadang-kadang aku rasa tindakan Papa menangkan aku adalah bukan tindakan yang patut beliau buat, tapi mungkin Papa sendiri pun tak sedar yang dia memang akan lebihkan aku.
Sampai la sekarang aku dah hampir sangat nak jadi isteri orang, Papa masih macam tu. Bagus jugak bila jadi Papa's favourite child. Tapi macam mana pun, bagi aku Papa adalah sangaatttt garang masa kami kecik-kecik dulu. Kalau dapat result teruk je dalam exam mesti kena sebat dengan rotan. Tapi, aku lah orang yang selalu senbunyikan rotan papa. Lepas tu buat muka macam tak tahu apa-apa. Buat muka tak bersalah is one of my best talent.
Bila dah makin besar, kakak-kakak aku pun dah kahwin, aku pulak soon-to-be, acu pun soon-to-be ( lepas raya tahun ni kot), and my youngest sister pun dah masuk form 5, Papa dah tak segarang dulu. Papa pun cakap theres no point to get mad or garang lagi, we do have own life, our own career so baik buruk dah boleh fikir sendiri.
Yang paling aku perasan pasal Papa is that, when it comes to my marriage he is soooo excited sampai aku rasa dia nak tukar semua dalam rumah to a new one. Dari curtain, add few more on the furniture, Papa siap nak pasang bunga api lagi masa lepas aku potong kek during the wedding day. I was like, " Papa, mana ada orang pasang bunga api siang-siang!" He just replied, " Takpala, orang lain tak buat, Papa yang buat. " See? Dia memang selalu nak menang.
Banyaakk lagi benda yang dia sacrifice duit, masa, tenaga for my wedding. Aku of course la just focus on the basic preparation je. Basic tu pun, dari pakej perkahwinan ( pelamin, baju, meja makan, hiasan bilik tidur), hantaran, kad kawin sampaila ke goodies bag dah sampai beribu-ribu. Ni tambah pulak dengan Papa yang excited gila hias rumah. Macam happy sangat je nak lepas aku dekat orang lain kan? *__*
Bila tengok Papa yang too excited for my wedding ni, Kakak and Angah aku pun macam bising jugak. Diorang selalu cakap, " Amboi Papa, masa kami kawin dulu Papa tak beli perabot baru pun." Tak pun, " Eh, curtain baru? Tak aciii." Papa senyum je. Dia takkan balas apa-apa. Aku sebagai anak yang paling rapat dengan Papa dan dengan semangat nak back-up Papa, aku akan balas,
" Papa saja nak tukaq angin la tu. Bukan nya selalu pun."
Papa akan senyum lagi.
Tapi, dalam hati aku, aku sentiasa akan ingat,
" Oh betul. Papa memang sayang aku lebih dari sapa-sapa."
Tamak gila.
Hahahahaha. :p
Monday, December 19, 2011
Love letter
"You don't know how much that i love you", you once said.
"How much?", and then i replied.
"It's more than you know, more than you think, more than you can imagine," you told me while looking at my face.
I paused. I'm so touched. Never know that there'll be someone that can love me that much.
You took my hand and hold it. Tightly. And you kissed it.
I will never let you go. Never let you leave. I promise.
Thank you for loving me that much even i don't know how much it is.
Thank you for coming all the way from KL, hundred miles away just to see me, and to say "Happy birthday".
You know what? I don't think that there'll be anyone else that can do the same thing like what you did to me.
I love you. But i can't tell how much it would be.
It's just, I love you.
Thank you future husband.
Thank you for everything.
Yours truly,
Your-wife-to-be
"How much?", and then i replied.
"It's more than you know, more than you think, more than you can imagine," you told me while looking at my face.
I paused. I'm so touched. Never know that there'll be someone that can love me that much.
You took my hand and hold it. Tightly. And you kissed it.
I will never let you go. Never let you leave. I promise.
Thank you for loving me that much even i don't know how much it is.
Thank you for coming all the way from KL, hundred miles away just to see me, and to say "Happy birthday".
You know what? I don't think that there'll be anyone else that can do the same thing like what you did to me.
I love you. But i can't tell how much it would be.
It's just, I love you.
Thank you future husband.
Thank you for everything.
Yours truly,
Your-wife-to-be
Friday, December 2, 2011
Expression
Salah satu perkara yang ramai orang (termasuk aku) suka buat ialah express rasa tak puas hati atau bengang terhadap seseorang melalui mana-mana medium social network macam Facebook atau Twitter (walaupun aku tak ada Twitter). Contohnya macam golongan artis yang suka suki express feeling/expression macam orang bodoh. Seriously bagi aku artis memang tak payah buat jadi idola. Buat gelap masa depan. Dan kadang-kadang bila pikir balik aku sedar yang perangai macam ini agak bodoh dan pointless. Pastu kawan-kawan kita pulak comment “Yeah you tell him girl” dan “Haha, aku pun pernah kena camni..” Lepastu ada berbelas-belas komen yang meluahkan perasaan benci terhadap manusia macam tu, yang menyokong ‘keberanian’ kita, yang mengapi-apikan kita. Apa kita dapat sebenarnya? Dapat tunjuk berani depan orang?
Lagi satu kalau suka tulis status macam, 'Bangang gilew arkitek ni, drawing pun bersepah-sepah, menyusahkan aku je." Tak pun, " Authority buat keje lembab, lagi susahkan orang". Oh damn. Kau baru jadi engineer tak sampai setahun dah bajet macam bagus. Aku rasa orang-orang macam ni sengaja nak orang tahu yang dia tu kerja engineer tak pun dia tu sangatlah berharga dalam company yang mana pada masa yang sama tahap kemenyampahan orang terhadap dia pun makin bertambah. Tak gitu? ( sebenarnya aku as one of the authorities rasa bengang juga bila orang baru start kerja dah pandai cakap kami ni buat kerja lambat. Pelangkung jugak kang nanti)
Lepas tu ada juga jenis status yang nampak macam pasif tapi sebenarnya agak agresif. Contohnya macam " Hey WVU ***8, kau ni memang bawa kereta lembab la, siput b*b* pun lagi laju dari kau tau tak????!!!" Pergh. Macam emo gila kan. Tapi kau pun sengal jugak,mula-mula kau tulis dekat Facebook atau Twitter. Memangla kau berani tulis number plate dia kan, pasal dia tak ada dalam friend list kau. Apa motif? Bukan dia dapat baca pun. Ye dop?
Yang lagi annoying kalau pasal semuaaa benda pasal diri dia mesti nak update. Selang setengah jam pulak tu kadang-kadang. Kalau aku buka facebook je, dekat home feed tu berjela-jela status pasal dia je. Dia buat apa, makan apa, dekat mana, sampai basuh kereta pun nak kena update. Upload bagai lah. Oh yes, aku faham. Tujuan nya sebab dia nak tunjuk dia pakai kereta dia apa. What the hell.
Oh well. Siapalah aku untuk judge kan. Aku sendiri seorang manusia pasif agresif yang kronik. Seorang anonymous blogger yang tulis nasihat sambil perli, sebab aku tak berani sound depan-depan kadang-kadang. Tapi honestly aku cakap, memang sesetengah entry dalam blog ni tak ada niat nak nasihat orang langsung, saja aku nak release kemarahan aku tak pun masa tengah jiwang ke. Blurgh.
Macamla orang tu baca blog aku pun kan. Honestly aku cakap memang aku pikir nak release kemarahan je masa buat entry tu, tak ada pun dalam hati aku terpikir, “Harap kau bawak berubah la lepasni”
Aku memang tak matang dulu. Sekarang pun masih tak matang, tapi ada la improvement sikit. Bak kata Aizat la, "Berubah la tak lama lagi dah nak jadi bini orang." Memang sentap.
Aku rasa memang kebanyakan orang Malaysia macam aku, sebab memang ramai orang buat status tak puas hati atau kutuk orang secara subtle supaya identity orang yang dikutuk tak diketahui.
Oh well, we are a repressed society.
Kan kan?
Lagi satu kalau suka tulis status macam, 'Bangang gilew arkitek ni, drawing pun bersepah-sepah, menyusahkan aku je." Tak pun, " Authority buat keje lembab, lagi susahkan orang". Oh damn. Kau baru jadi engineer tak sampai setahun dah bajet macam bagus. Aku rasa orang-orang macam ni sengaja nak orang tahu yang dia tu kerja engineer tak pun dia tu sangatlah berharga dalam company yang mana pada masa yang sama tahap kemenyampahan orang terhadap dia pun makin bertambah. Tak gitu? ( sebenarnya aku as one of the authorities rasa bengang juga bila orang baru start kerja dah pandai cakap kami ni buat kerja lambat. Pelangkung jugak kang nanti)
Lepas tu ada juga jenis status yang nampak macam pasif tapi sebenarnya agak agresif. Contohnya macam " Hey WVU ***8, kau ni memang bawa kereta lembab la, siput b*b* pun lagi laju dari kau tau tak????!!!" Pergh. Macam emo gila kan. Tapi kau pun sengal jugak,mula-mula kau tulis dekat Facebook atau Twitter. Memangla kau berani tulis number plate dia kan, pasal dia tak ada dalam friend list kau. Apa motif? Bukan dia dapat baca pun. Ye dop?
Yang lagi annoying kalau pasal semuaaa benda pasal diri dia mesti nak update. Selang setengah jam pulak tu kadang-kadang. Kalau aku buka facebook je, dekat home feed tu berjela-jela status pasal dia je. Dia buat apa, makan apa, dekat mana, sampai basuh kereta pun nak kena update. Upload bagai lah. Oh yes, aku faham. Tujuan nya sebab dia nak tunjuk dia pakai kereta dia apa. What the hell.
Oh well. Siapalah aku untuk judge kan. Aku sendiri seorang manusia pasif agresif yang kronik. Seorang anonymous blogger yang tulis nasihat sambil perli, sebab aku tak berani sound depan-depan kadang-kadang. Tapi honestly aku cakap, memang sesetengah entry dalam blog ni tak ada niat nak nasihat orang langsung, saja aku nak release kemarahan aku tak pun masa tengah jiwang ke. Blurgh.
Macamla orang tu baca blog aku pun kan. Honestly aku cakap memang aku pikir nak release kemarahan je masa buat entry tu, tak ada pun dalam hati aku terpikir, “Harap kau bawak berubah la lepasni”
Aku memang tak matang dulu. Sekarang pun masih tak matang, tapi ada la improvement sikit. Bak kata Aizat la, "Berubah la tak lama lagi dah nak jadi bini orang." Memang sentap.
Aku rasa memang kebanyakan orang Malaysia macam aku, sebab memang ramai orang buat status tak puas hati atau kutuk orang secara subtle supaya identity orang yang dikutuk tak diketahui.
Oh well, we are a repressed society.
Kan kan?
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
English Education
Aku nak cerita pengalaman aku belajar Bahasa Inggeris. Ya betul, aku memang tidak dilahirkan dalam sebuah keluarga yang menggunakan BI sebagai bahasa pengantaraan, emm walaupun ayah aku adalah seorang guru. Guru Matematik. :)
Gambaran aku dulu di sekolah rendah ; terketar-ketar apabila harus membaca perenggan ikut giliran semasa matapelajaran BI di sekolah rendah. Sampai aku sudah rehearse perenggan itu berkali-kali dalam minda aku agar tak ditertawakan ketika giliran aku tiba untuk membaca. Sampai tapak tangan aku berpeluh-peluh memikirkan harus menyebut huruf ‘o’ atau menyebut ‘zero’ apabila sedang menyebut nombor telefon seseorang. Resah memikirkan cara yang betul untuk menyebut bath dan butter. (bath ke beth?
ba-ter atau ba-derr?) Jangan jawab, ini cerita lama.
Kalau dalam kelas, aku selalu skor paling tinggi dalam subjek Matematik. Jarang sangat ada orang boleh lebih dari markah aku. Selalu dalam kelas jarang sangat aku nak dapat nombor 10 ke atas. Mesti top 10. Tapi tak pernah dapat nombor satu sebab subjek BI ruined everything. Nak kata aku bengap, tidak. Tapi, mungkin kurang pandai. Heh.
Bila aku di rumah, sememangnya aku tiada kacukan ‘orang putih’. Ibu bapa aku berasal dari kampung. Lebih tepat, orang Jitra. Ibu aku suri rumah dan dia masak tiga kali sehari sambil memasang lagu-lagu dari radio Kedah yang normally memang lagu zaman dia muda remaja. Sudah tentu bukan taste aku. Dulu aku memang tak faham lirik lagu-lagu Inggeris; semuanya bunyi seperti membebel saja bagi aku. Tiap-tiap hari aku melalak lagu Ziana Zain tak pun lagu Siti Nurhaliza. Jangan gelak, itu cerita lama.
Aku pernah menyebut bintang horoskop Pisces sebagai Piskez. 8 tahun kemudian, kawan aku membuat kesalahan yang sama, aku gelak. Bukan mentertawakannya, tapi kerana teringat aku juga pernah membuat perkara yang sama. Aku pernah menyebut Lancome sebagai Lan-kam. Aku pernah bergaduh dengan budak sekelas aku masa sekolah rendah, aku cakap aku benci dia, aku tulis dalam kertas besar-besar dan letak atas meja dia. Tapi sengaja aku tulis dalam BI, "I head you". Patutla budak tu terbahak-bahak gelak dan terus buang kertas tu dalam sampah. Kalau tak, memang malu besar la aku masa tu. Macam bangang gila kan? Haih. Ala, macam-macam lagi kesalahan pronunciation aku pernah buat (dan masih buat).
Proses pembelajaran BI itu benar-benar bermula ketika aku 14 tahun, selepas aku tidak berjaya score dalam UPSR hanya disebabkan oleh subjek BI. Papa memang meletakkan harapan tinggi untuk aku dapat 5A masa tu, sebab nama aku termasuk dalam list harapan sekolah. Tapi aku gagal, rasa macam ada bawah tapak kaki. Sedih, malu dan kesal. Lagi pula, aku tinggal di kawasan yang agak snobbish – perkara seperti tidak berbahasa Inggeris (fasih atau tidak itu belakang cerita) dianggap hina. Rakan-rakan sebaya aku kebanyakannya ada cerita kanak-kanak Bahasa Inggeris. Aku pula masih sibuk bermain 'zeropoint', tikam kasut, 'toi' (galah panjang kalau di negeri lain), dan memang rasa macam loser gila. Sebelum itu aku membaca tetapi aku tak menghayati, sekadar membaca kerana dipaksa. Dan lama-lama aku belajar extraordinary itu tidak disebut sebagai extra-ordinary, perkataan-perkataan seperti plumber dan doubt harus dimatikan huruf b nya.
Untuk permulaan aku tidak terus menerkam novel-novel fiction yang sesuai untuk golongan pertengahan. Aku bermula dengan mendengar lagu-lagu boyband contohnya, dan menghafal lirik untuk setiap lagu. BSB, Moffats, Nsync, Spice Girls, Britney Spears adalah rakan baik aku sewaktu itu. Kemudian aku terus menjengah novel-novel karya mild. Sophie Kinsella, Sidney Sheldon mula aku jamah. Lagi pula, guru BI aku semasa di Sultanah Bahiyah selalu benarkan kami meminjam novel-novel yang ada di library malahan miliknya sendiri. Sangat lah supportive.
Aku anggap cara aku belajar secara perlahan sebenarnya sama saja macam nak belajar baca Al-Quran, mula-mula merangkak juga. Sebab itu biasanya orang baca Muqaddam atau Iqra’ dulu, baru baca Al-Quran. Kan?
Ini semua cerita dahulu. Sekarang, tak ada lagi orang mentertawakan aku lagi bila aku bertutur Bahasa Inggeris. Sekarang, aku dapat berbicara dalam BI lebih baik dari orang-orang yang pernah mentertawakan aku dahulu. Bukan nak berlagak, tapi kalau nak mula bercakap BI dengan aku sekarang memang aku tak ada masalah. Setakat cakap ‘I’ dan ‘You’ tu takda hal la. Rakan-rakan yang tidak mengenali aku sejak sekolah rendah tak tahu tentang aku dahulu. Oleh itu, mereka sering menggunakan ayat-ayat ini dengan aku :
“Nak copy assignment boleh? Aku tak faham sangat soalan dia... Aku tak pandai English macam ko la…”
dan juga,
“Kau bolehla, kau terer speaking. Aku tak reti.”
Kalau zaman undergrad dulu lagi la, dulu agak senang communicate dengan kawan-kawan guna YM. Info terus boleh pass directly, just tekan 'buzz' mesti tak sampai 30sc orang tu akan reply. Dan selalunya aku bila dapat 'buzz' belum sempat reply apa-apa, terus dapat few paragraph untuk di translatekan either dari BM-BI tak pun ke BI-BM. Paling rapid masa final year, masa kena buat thesis. Dah macam translator pulak aku. Tak tolong kang, cakap tak sayang kawan. Bila dah tolong, thesis aku pulak tak tersiap-siap. Tapi alhamdulillah, dah grad pun :)
Tapi bagi aku alasan itu hanya bila orang itu malas untuk membuat sesuatu yang perlu menggunakan kemahiran Bahasa Inggeris. Kalau rajin, mesti dia akan cuba buat sampai dapat kan?
Scheisse lah wei. Pergi belajar Bahasa Inggeris. Malas cakap malas. Jangan reka alasan yang macam-macam.
Jangan guna alasan belajar bahasa lain adalah seperti berkomplot dengan penjajah. Aku belajar juga bahasa-bahasa lain, tapi aku tak kurang Melayu. Malah, aku boleh dikategorikan sebagai Melayu yang agak Maksima. Jenis yang bawa cekodok sebagai bekal tiap-tiap hari semasa sekolah rendah.
Kalau fikir-fikir balik, ada betulnya juga bila si Ucop Wilcha selalu cakap, pentingya English Education. Memang penting. Kalau tidak, jadi la macam aku dulu-dulu.
*dan sebenarnya aku pun memang yang jenis malas. hehe*
Gambaran aku dulu di sekolah rendah ; terketar-ketar apabila harus membaca perenggan ikut giliran semasa matapelajaran BI di sekolah rendah. Sampai aku sudah rehearse perenggan itu berkali-kali dalam minda aku agar tak ditertawakan ketika giliran aku tiba untuk membaca. Sampai tapak tangan aku berpeluh-peluh memikirkan harus menyebut huruf ‘o’ atau menyebut ‘zero’ apabila sedang menyebut nombor telefon seseorang. Resah memikirkan cara yang betul untuk menyebut bath dan butter. (bath ke beth?
ba-ter atau ba-derr?) Jangan jawab, ini cerita lama.
Kalau dalam kelas, aku selalu skor paling tinggi dalam subjek Matematik. Jarang sangat ada orang boleh lebih dari markah aku. Selalu dalam kelas jarang sangat aku nak dapat nombor 10 ke atas. Mesti top 10. Tapi tak pernah dapat nombor satu sebab subjek BI ruined everything. Nak kata aku bengap, tidak. Tapi, mungkin kurang pandai. Heh.
Bila aku di rumah, sememangnya aku tiada kacukan ‘orang putih’. Ibu bapa aku berasal dari kampung. Lebih tepat, orang Jitra. Ibu aku suri rumah dan dia masak tiga kali sehari sambil memasang lagu-lagu dari radio Kedah yang normally memang lagu zaman dia muda remaja. Sudah tentu bukan taste aku. Dulu aku memang tak faham lirik lagu-lagu Inggeris; semuanya bunyi seperti membebel saja bagi aku. Tiap-tiap hari aku melalak lagu Ziana Zain tak pun lagu Siti Nurhaliza. Jangan gelak, itu cerita lama.
Aku pernah menyebut bintang horoskop Pisces sebagai Piskez. 8 tahun kemudian, kawan aku membuat kesalahan yang sama, aku gelak. Bukan mentertawakannya, tapi kerana teringat aku juga pernah membuat perkara yang sama. Aku pernah menyebut Lancome sebagai Lan-kam. Aku pernah bergaduh dengan budak sekelas aku masa sekolah rendah, aku cakap aku benci dia, aku tulis dalam kertas besar-besar dan letak atas meja dia. Tapi sengaja aku tulis dalam BI, "I head you". Patutla budak tu terbahak-bahak gelak dan terus buang kertas tu dalam sampah. Kalau tak, memang malu besar la aku masa tu. Macam bangang gila kan? Haih. Ala, macam-macam lagi kesalahan pronunciation aku pernah buat (dan masih buat).
Proses pembelajaran BI itu benar-benar bermula ketika aku 14 tahun, selepas aku tidak berjaya score dalam UPSR hanya disebabkan oleh subjek BI. Papa memang meletakkan harapan tinggi untuk aku dapat 5A masa tu, sebab nama aku termasuk dalam list harapan sekolah. Tapi aku gagal, rasa macam ada bawah tapak kaki. Sedih, malu dan kesal. Lagi pula, aku tinggal di kawasan yang agak snobbish – perkara seperti tidak berbahasa Inggeris (fasih atau tidak itu belakang cerita) dianggap hina. Rakan-rakan sebaya aku kebanyakannya ada cerita kanak-kanak Bahasa Inggeris. Aku pula masih sibuk bermain 'zeropoint', tikam kasut, 'toi' (galah panjang kalau di negeri lain), dan memang rasa macam loser gila. Sebelum itu aku membaca tetapi aku tak menghayati, sekadar membaca kerana dipaksa. Dan lama-lama aku belajar extraordinary itu tidak disebut sebagai extra-ordinary, perkataan-perkataan seperti plumber dan doubt harus dimatikan huruf b nya.
Untuk permulaan aku tidak terus menerkam novel-novel fiction yang sesuai untuk golongan pertengahan. Aku bermula dengan mendengar lagu-lagu boyband contohnya, dan menghafal lirik untuk setiap lagu. BSB, Moffats, Nsync, Spice Girls, Britney Spears adalah rakan baik aku sewaktu itu. Kemudian aku terus menjengah novel-novel karya mild. Sophie Kinsella, Sidney Sheldon mula aku jamah. Lagi pula, guru BI aku semasa di Sultanah Bahiyah selalu benarkan kami meminjam novel-novel yang ada di library malahan miliknya sendiri. Sangat lah supportive.
Aku anggap cara aku belajar secara perlahan sebenarnya sama saja macam nak belajar baca Al-Quran, mula-mula merangkak juga. Sebab itu biasanya orang baca Muqaddam atau Iqra’ dulu, baru baca Al-Quran. Kan?
Ini semua cerita dahulu. Sekarang, tak ada lagi orang mentertawakan aku lagi bila aku bertutur Bahasa Inggeris. Sekarang, aku dapat berbicara dalam BI lebih baik dari orang-orang yang pernah mentertawakan aku dahulu. Bukan nak berlagak, tapi kalau nak mula bercakap BI dengan aku sekarang memang aku tak ada masalah. Setakat cakap ‘I’ dan ‘You’ tu takda hal la. Rakan-rakan yang tidak mengenali aku sejak sekolah rendah tak tahu tentang aku dahulu. Oleh itu, mereka sering menggunakan ayat-ayat ini dengan aku :
“Nak copy assignment boleh? Aku tak faham sangat soalan dia... Aku tak pandai English macam ko la…”
dan juga,
“Kau bolehla, kau terer speaking. Aku tak reti.”
Kalau zaman undergrad dulu lagi la, dulu agak senang communicate dengan kawan-kawan guna YM. Info terus boleh pass directly, just tekan 'buzz' mesti tak sampai 30sc orang tu akan reply. Dan selalunya aku bila dapat 'buzz' belum sempat reply apa-apa, terus dapat few paragraph untuk di translatekan either dari BM-BI tak pun ke BI-BM. Paling rapid masa final year, masa kena buat thesis. Dah macam translator pulak aku. Tak tolong kang, cakap tak sayang kawan. Bila dah tolong, thesis aku pulak tak tersiap-siap. Tapi alhamdulillah, dah grad pun :)
Tapi bagi aku alasan itu hanya bila orang itu malas untuk membuat sesuatu yang perlu menggunakan kemahiran Bahasa Inggeris. Kalau rajin, mesti dia akan cuba buat sampai dapat kan?
Scheisse lah wei. Pergi belajar Bahasa Inggeris. Malas cakap malas. Jangan reka alasan yang macam-macam.
Jangan guna alasan belajar bahasa lain adalah seperti berkomplot dengan penjajah. Aku belajar juga bahasa-bahasa lain, tapi aku tak kurang Melayu. Malah, aku boleh dikategorikan sebagai Melayu yang agak Maksima. Jenis yang bawa cekodok sebagai bekal tiap-tiap hari semasa sekolah rendah.
Kalau fikir-fikir balik, ada betulnya juga bila si Ucop Wilcha selalu cakap, pentingya English Education. Memang penting. Kalau tidak, jadi la macam aku dulu-dulu.
*dan sebenarnya aku pun memang yang jenis malas. hehe*
Friday, October 28, 2011
Mad?
It's Friday everyone! My fav day and yes, i think maybe for everyone else too. Heh. Seriously tak dapat nak concentrate kerja, well you know when the boss is not around so meaning that the 'tanduk' akan mencacak dan berkeliaran lah semua orang doing nothing. Kekeke. :p
My biggest problem right now is that i have no mood doing works and yeaaaa mengantuk gila kot. Terfikir pulak pukul berapa aku tidur semalam? Or aku bangun awal sangat ke pagi tadi - yea set jam pukul 6 pagi since nak kejut Aizat yang entah dapat semangat dari mana nak bangun awal konon tapi tertidur jugak finally. Pulak tu pagi tadi aku bangun awal la jugak lepastu lepak atas lantai yang sejuk tu dan tak buat apa-apa selama 30 minit. Fikir pun tak. Haih. Dah la mengantuk, i'm so starving macam tak makan berhari-hari sedangkan lunch tadi baru je bantai makan chicken claypot dekat Kapitan. Haih. Baca bismillah ke tidak aku tadi? Memang loser gila hari ni. 0__0
Lepastu orang ajak aku buat apa semua aku tak ada mood, orang message ke sms semua aku tak berdaya nak reply. Dalam otak aku macam nak reply, patut reply, shouldacouldawoulda tapi macam penat sangat untuk sinaps-sinaps aku travel ke jari jemari aku, jadi aku fikir, nanti la aku buat. Last-last aku tak buat apa pun, aku just space out. Tolong maafkan aku. I can't seem to function properly right now.
Aku selalu rasa macam nak muntah, dan kepala aku selalu rasa ringan. Kadang-kadang aku tersenyum, nampak macam orang gila sikit, sebab kadang-kadang tak ada sebab untuk aku senyum, contohnya bila sedang memandang sebatang pokok yang hodoh.
Tapi aku selalu, selalu, rasa macam sekarang ni. Mengantuk dan letih yang amat sangat. Walaupun aku tak buat apa-apa sehari suntuk. Jadi aku akan tido. Aku tak ingin diselamatkan. You be good. Hmmm..esok hari Sabtu.
Jadi, selamat hari Sabtu.
Selamat beriang ria di hujung minggu.
My biggest problem right now is that i have no mood doing works and yeaaaa mengantuk gila kot. Terfikir pulak pukul berapa aku tidur semalam? Or aku bangun awal sangat ke pagi tadi - yea set jam pukul 6 pagi since nak kejut Aizat yang entah dapat semangat dari mana nak bangun awal konon tapi tertidur jugak finally. Pulak tu pagi tadi aku bangun awal la jugak lepastu lepak atas lantai yang sejuk tu dan tak buat apa-apa selama 30 minit. Fikir pun tak. Haih. Dah la mengantuk, i'm so starving macam tak makan berhari-hari sedangkan lunch tadi baru je bantai makan chicken claypot dekat Kapitan. Haih. Baca bismillah ke tidak aku tadi? Memang loser gila hari ni. 0__0
Lepastu orang ajak aku buat apa semua aku tak ada mood, orang message ke sms semua aku tak berdaya nak reply. Dalam otak aku macam nak reply, patut reply, shouldacouldawoulda tapi macam penat sangat untuk sinaps-sinaps aku travel ke jari jemari aku, jadi aku fikir, nanti la aku buat. Last-last aku tak buat apa pun, aku just space out. Tolong maafkan aku. I can't seem to function properly right now.
Aku selalu rasa macam nak muntah, dan kepala aku selalu rasa ringan. Kadang-kadang aku tersenyum, nampak macam orang gila sikit, sebab kadang-kadang tak ada sebab untuk aku senyum, contohnya bila sedang memandang sebatang pokok yang hodoh.
Tapi aku selalu, selalu, rasa macam sekarang ni. Mengantuk dan letih yang amat sangat. Walaupun aku tak buat apa-apa sehari suntuk. Jadi aku akan tido. Aku tak ingin diselamatkan. You be good. Hmmm..esok hari Sabtu.
Jadi, selamat hari Sabtu.
Selamat beriang ria di hujung minggu.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Orang gila
Kadang-kadang ada benda yang perlu kita simpan, jangan diluah, jangan dilontar. Jangan.
Bila semua benda yang kita lontar, kita luah, pasti akan berbalik pada kita bila sampai masa.
Tak payah nak hairan, semua orang boleh jadi orang gila.
Aku mungkin salah seorang.
Terpekik terlolong diam-diam pendam dalam hati.
Menjerit meracau diam-diam terperosok dalam jiwa.
Sadis. Tapi itu bahasa puitis kan?
Kau baca, kau simpan sudah.
Tak payah nak lontar balik.
Aku dah penat nak layan.
Bila semua benda yang kita lontar, kita luah, pasti akan berbalik pada kita bila sampai masa.
Tak payah nak hairan, semua orang boleh jadi orang gila.
Aku mungkin salah seorang.
Terpekik terlolong diam-diam pendam dalam hati.
Menjerit meracau diam-diam terperosok dalam jiwa.
Sadis. Tapi itu bahasa puitis kan?
Kau baca, kau simpan sudah.
Tak payah nak lontar balik.
Aku dah penat nak layan.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Mencari syukur dalam tiap-tiap dugaan Tuhan
Orang cakap jangan terlalu dicanang, nanti tak jadi. Betul, sesak rasa sebak dada.
Mahu ambil jantung keluar dari jasad
Mengharap jantung tak berdegup begitu kencang bila di luar jasad
Lelah aku lemah
sebak aku sesak
Jari menghitung masa
Mata tak henti-henti tatap waktu
Hati.
Tak henti-henti sumbat sabar
-rindupadayangitu-
Mahu ambil jantung keluar dari jasad
Mengharap jantung tak berdegup begitu kencang bila di luar jasad
Lelah aku lemah
sebak aku sesak
Jari menghitung masa
Mata tak henti-henti tatap waktu
Hati.
Tak henti-henti sumbat sabar
-rindupadayangitu-
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Lost Soul
" Hearts will never be practical unless they are made unbreakable"
The first stain happened when your hand first touched mine.
The second is black pen ink.
The third was an accident, or something you said, i said that hurt each other.
The fourth is a burn or worse.
The fifth is the name of a feeling I made up and then wrote down.
When no one's around, I practice saying the words you'll never hear.
'You are not perfect because you're only perfect for me.'
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