Plan B2B

Allhamdulillah. After 6 months probation period, akhirnya aku disahkan dalam jawatan. I'm glad because i work so hard just to get this confirmation. Tak banyak kerja aku yang di audit, so far i've been given good marks from the boss and also the rest of the managers :) Alhamdulillah.

Salah seorang dari manager di IWK Penang once asked me about my intention to transfer to HQ or other units yang based dekat selatan. I said yes, i have that intention since i'll be married to the workaholic guy yang memang dah nekad nak settle down di KL.

They asked me to stay for at least 2 years in Penang. The reason is that, bukan senang nak cari vacant position kalau nak transfer. Plus, if ada tempat pun i have to make sure sebelum aku transfer there will be someone else that will replace my current place. The worst is that, i have to do my own interview to choose whoever i like with a qualification and also experience sebelum transfer. Haiyaa macam itu susah ka? -___-

For now intention to transfer tak dalah membuak-buak sangat. Maybe sebab i'm not yet married kot. LOL. Yang pastinya memang for this one whole year aku akan bertapak di Penang je. I'll get married next year okeh, Aizat cakap he will try his best to make it as soon as possible. Our plan would be early next year, at least sebelum bulan 6 rezeki kahwin tu ada. InsyaAllah i hope that by early next year i will be Aizat's wife and soon after that baru boleh jeling-jeling the vacant position either at HQ or Unit Pantai. Kalau Unit Shah Alam jauh pulak dengan si bakal suami kang. Aiseh. Ish ish. Belum apa-apa lagi dah kalut pikir itu ini. Gatai. Haipp.

Hopefully kawan-kawan yang sedang baca dapat doakan perjalanan ke perkahwinan dan penukaran tempat kerja mengikut suami ni dapat berjalan lancar. Ececeh. Mengada-ngada betul ayat. Yang baik kita doakan sama-sama, yang tak baik jangan nak ikut. Yada yada.

:)

Bye.

Jigsaw puzzle

I would say..a selfish part of me is that i cannot understand how to deal with hot/short- temper people. Eventhough i tried for sooo many times, no improvement at all.

Be realistic, nobody is perfect. Including me.

" Kenapa susah sangat nak faham? Kenapa selalu buat-buat tak faham?" Selalu ini yang bermain-main dalam otak primitif aku. Berpusing-pusing, menarik-narik urat-urat kepala yang mana sampai masa boleh terbelit.

Tiada ruang ulasan untuk jawab soalan-soalan yang aku tanya. Bertanya pada diri sendiri, dalam bentuk retorikal, aku sendiri pun tak faham.

Mungkin aku terlebih, kurang faham, kurang pasti, kurang itu kurang ini. Hari yang panjang tanpa seseorang yang menggembirakan boleh buat hari itu jadi kurang lazat.

You should know that i love you. You who misunderstands me. And you who thinks that this writing is about you.For I will not be the same person without knowing you, and though we are different in some (or many) ways, that does not make me any better (or worse) than you. We are pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, really.

So, you should know that I choose to love you. :)

This is not as easy as it seems but we’ll get through it. Like you said we would. Like you promised we will always have each other and everything will be alright.

Maaf dari hati.

Boleh maafkan dari hati ke hati tak?

Papa

You called me over when I was young and told me you wanted to see how strong I was.
I was eager to impress you so I obliged.
You told me to put my hand in front of my face and try to keep it there, while you tried to pull it away.

I thought I was doing so well as I strained against your arm.

Until you let go.
You did.

And I hit myself so hard I ended up on the ground with a bleeding nose.

You helped me up, and said “Let that be a lesson. You can always trust me because i will always be by your side for the rest of your life.”

I believe,

Despite what had happened,
there was more love in that sentence than a thousand bed time stories.

I love you Papa, for the rest of my life. I'm sorry for being rebellious, childish, sensitive, and maybe for some things i did that might hurt you.

You are the best ever.

Happy father's Day.

:)

Deeper conversation

I’m not strong enough to face judgments and fulfill expectations. Things have been hard. Things have been crazy. Sometimes it is just too much and i don't think that i can hold it any more longer. But still, i'm trying my best to survive.

I've been busy for the past few weeks. Works- that sometimes okay sometimes not, 6 months for the probation period and i have one more month to go- seriously killing me man. I cannot say no for all the things that had been assigned to me eventhough it is not under my scope of works. Macam kena buli dengan senior executives. Gila kena ragging macam dekat asrama dulu-dulu. Geessshhh

But sometimes just think positive. Come on, mungkin sekarang aku kena buli, but at least i gained soooo many experiences in different kind of departments. Dah buat kerja Desludging, Treatment, Network ( yang memang ada similarity dengan civil engineering) cuma Finance je belum sudi membuli sebab-apa-jadah aku nak sibuk-sibuk hal-hal account kan kan kan? Dang!

Too many things happened in this few weeks. Ada beberapa orang di sekeliling aku sedang diuji. Sabar itu boleh jadi benda yang paling payah. Sabar itu kadang-kadang boleh jadi benda yang paling orang benci. Sebab, sabar itu memang payah. Few friends of mine had been dumped, cheated and abused. Obviously by their partner.

Kenapa masih ada manusia yang umurnya bukan lagi muda remaja, sudah menjengah alam dewasa tetapi tetap ada yang suka memilih, mahu begitu, mahu begini, masih tidak puas-puas hati. Aku tak faham kenapa masih ada manusia yang sudah lama bercinta tetapi boleh hilang rasa cinta dalam sekelip mata?

Why?
Why you do that to him??
Why you do that to her??

Why, why they can simply change their mind, losing their hope that easy after few years they had been together?

Berkali-kali aku ajukan ini pada Aizat. Yes, i admit that i'm such an idiot-freak-loser because i'm afraid of losing him. The insecurity in me is killing me. But for now i'm glad because i have Aizat that can be understanding (sometimes) eventhough i said i hate him for not sure how many times in a day. Tapi tetap, Aizat masih tidak dapat fahamkan aku kenapa masih wujud manusia yang macam begini. Bagaimana rasanya perihal kawan-kawan aku yang terluka hati nya, yang merana rasanya. I was heartbroken too. I wished I was angry but I wasn’t. I always had a problem with finding and expressing anger. It wasn’t really my talent. I was more of a gloom than a grump.

Orang begini harus belajar mensyukuri apa yang ada. Tak perlu berubah hati, mencari yang belum pasti, meninggalkan semua yang pernah ada dalam hati. Kau bercinta bertahun-tahun lamanya, dalam sedetik cuma rasa itu kau buang jauh-jauh. Aku sebenarnya memang menyampah.

I've been there too dear friends. I've been in the same shoes too. Not to worry, there always be something for anything that happened. Sabar, walaupun itu adalah perkara yang paling payah.

Let the right one in.
Let the old dreams die.
Let the wrong ones go.