On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.
That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.
That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.
But love is none of these things. It won't suddenly make every day ok. It won't change who you are. It won't make your car go faster. It doesn't even wash your dishes.
All love is, is love. And that's all it needs to be, really.
Love has always had a plan for you. That doesn't mean you get to know what it is. Just believe in it.
Have some faith in yourself, and move forward. I won't look back anymore. What i have right now is just enough. No, i think this is more than enough. I'm not seeking for a perfection. Sometimes, being imperfect can be beautifully imperfect to someone- who loves me obviously. My guy? He don't care how messy i am in front of him. He don't even care when i can't stop complaining when i realize that i'm gaining weight. He don't even mind when i don't have any new clothes or i'm wearing the same shoes every time we went out together.
Tell me, can i have someone else better than that?
Everything happens for a reason. Come to think about it, it is so true.
I love you,Yeah, You- you know who you are.
Now, less than a week dear. Don't stop hoping. And Pray. InsyaAllah.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Oh bulan
Bila mana sampai satu tahap aku rasa aku perlu kuat, mahu dan mahu, paksa dan tetapi lelah, aku tak perlu mana-mana bahu untuk aku tumpang. Dua bahu aku sudah cukup ada, walaupun tak mantap tapi ia-ada.
Berkali-kali terkena, berkali-kali kena sepak, sudah, tolong biar aku sendiri.
Bagaimana mungkin aku boleh pujuk orang lain dahulu kalau aku pun belum mampu pujuk aku sendiri. Kau tahu? Pasti tidak.
Renyuk remuk. Penat. Jadi, biar aku sendiri.
Penat jadi gadis.
Berkali-kali terkena, berkali-kali kena sepak, sudah, tolong biar aku sendiri.
Bagaimana mungkin aku boleh pujuk orang lain dahulu kalau aku pun belum mampu pujuk aku sendiri. Kau tahu? Pasti tidak.
Renyuk remuk. Penat. Jadi, biar aku sendiri.
Penat jadi gadis.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Bebel
Aku rasa sejak aku mula kerja dengan IWK ni masa terluang untuk aku habiskan dengan update blog, facebook, gosip dah terbatas. Waktu siang memang penuh dengan paperwork, balik saja jalan dah jem, sampai rumah bila malam terus jadi lembik. Bila masa aku nak update? -___-
Nak cerita pasal kerja, dah malas nak tulis. Awal-awal masuk kerja memang depressed gila. Expectation orang sangat tinggi. They assumed that i know everything. Tapi, aku memang jenis direct to the point. For things that i'm not sure, or i dont even know how to deal with it, aku selamber je tanya staff aku. Even tho ada executive lain cakap jangan refer staff sendiri kalau pasal kerja, i was like, helloooo staff yang kerja under section aku ni dah almost 15 years kerja okay. Even clerk aku pun dah umur hampir sebaya mak aku. Of course kena refer orang yang lebih berpengelaman. Memang mereka ni tak ada degree but dont underestimate their ability. Itu prinsip aku. Nak mintak orang ajar, sila jangan memilih. Tukang kebun, tukang cuci pun ada kelebihan mereka sendiri. Kan?
Aku sekarang kena jadi head of section untuk 15 orang staff yang umur dah lebih kurang sama dengan ayah dan mak aku, apa yang menarik di situ? Mencabar. Orang tua kan, memang susah dengar cakap orang muda. That is what happened. Sampai Bos besar minta aku arrange counseling session untuk diorang. I was like, counseling session? Sapa nak jadi counselor? " Its you. You are the bos. Monitor." Aku? Aku bagi kounseling? Memang betul-betul preparation yang aku buat. Jangan main-main dengan orang tua okay. Bayangkan aku nak bagi tazkirah dekat mak bapak aku. Selamber jeeee. Kau boleh bayang? Okay. Lebih baik jangan. :)
Lagi satu, pasal hal tuisyen. Aku dah tak mahu sambung kontrak tahun ni. Betul-betul aku tolak. Aku tak larat. Weekdays dah kerja mengadap staff and paperwork, hari cuti nak aku mengadap buku? Letih kot. Tapi Pusat Tuisyen masih mahu khidmat aku. Beria-ria up kan gaji aku. Even part time pun, boleh lepas duit minyak dan makan kot. Mak cakap terima dulu. Lepas ni kalau rasa dah tak dapat nak buat 2 kerja dalam satu masa memang kena resign jugak. So far, dah 2 minggu aku masuk kelas mengajar. Form 4 dan form 5. Mengajar kimia pulak tu. Kat Alor Star pulak tu. Setiap hari Sabtu. Aku rasa aku dah macam robot bila overloaded dengan kerja. -____-
Hmmm yang penting sekarang tau apa? I cant hardly wait for another 2 weeks or maybe more. Nak sampai ke hari tu pun perlu preparation yang betul-betul juga. Walaupun buat sederhana tapi biarla puas hati semua pihak kan? Okay, sabar-sabar.
Nak tukar status pun berdebar-debar. Hahaha. Poyo gila. Tu belum kalau kawin. Kalau kawin? Dah-dah, tu lambat lagi. -___-
Nak cerita pasal kerja, dah malas nak tulis. Awal-awal masuk kerja memang depressed gila. Expectation orang sangat tinggi. They assumed that i know everything. Tapi, aku memang jenis direct to the point. For things that i'm not sure, or i dont even know how to deal with it, aku selamber je tanya staff aku. Even tho ada executive lain cakap jangan refer staff sendiri kalau pasal kerja, i was like, helloooo staff yang kerja under section aku ni dah almost 15 years kerja okay. Even clerk aku pun dah umur hampir sebaya mak aku. Of course kena refer orang yang lebih berpengelaman. Memang mereka ni tak ada degree but dont underestimate their ability. Itu prinsip aku. Nak mintak orang ajar, sila jangan memilih. Tukang kebun, tukang cuci pun ada kelebihan mereka sendiri. Kan?
Aku sekarang kena jadi head of section untuk 15 orang staff yang umur dah lebih kurang sama dengan ayah dan mak aku, apa yang menarik di situ? Mencabar. Orang tua kan, memang susah dengar cakap orang muda. That is what happened. Sampai Bos besar minta aku arrange counseling session untuk diorang. I was like, counseling session? Sapa nak jadi counselor? " Its you. You are the bos. Monitor." Aku? Aku bagi kounseling? Memang betul-betul preparation yang aku buat. Jangan main-main dengan orang tua okay. Bayangkan aku nak bagi tazkirah dekat mak bapak aku. Selamber jeeee. Kau boleh bayang? Okay. Lebih baik jangan. :)
Lagi satu, pasal hal tuisyen. Aku dah tak mahu sambung kontrak tahun ni. Betul-betul aku tolak. Aku tak larat. Weekdays dah kerja mengadap staff and paperwork, hari cuti nak aku mengadap buku? Letih kot. Tapi Pusat Tuisyen masih mahu khidmat aku. Beria-ria up kan gaji aku. Even part time pun, boleh lepas duit minyak dan makan kot. Mak cakap terima dulu. Lepas ni kalau rasa dah tak dapat nak buat 2 kerja dalam satu masa memang kena resign jugak. So far, dah 2 minggu aku masuk kelas mengajar. Form 4 dan form 5. Mengajar kimia pulak tu. Kat Alor Star pulak tu. Setiap hari Sabtu. Aku rasa aku dah macam robot bila overloaded dengan kerja. -____-
Hmmm yang penting sekarang tau apa? I cant hardly wait for another 2 weeks or maybe more. Nak sampai ke hari tu pun perlu preparation yang betul-betul juga. Walaupun buat sederhana tapi biarla puas hati semua pihak kan? Okay, sabar-sabar.
Nak tukar status pun berdebar-debar. Hahaha. Poyo gila. Tu belum kalau kawin. Kalau kawin? Dah-dah, tu lambat lagi. -___-
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Hari ke sebelas
Sudah hari ke-sebelas dua ribu sebelas. Laju betul masa berjalan, bukan?
Ada banyak hal dalam hampir sebelas hari ini. Nak update, nak cerita tapi tak tahu yang mana satu nak mula.
Sekadar singgah. Nanti, tunggu kepala berisi idea cerita baru di-update ok?
Ingatkan aku. Harus!
p/s : Tarikh 11.1.11 yang cantik tidak menjamin perjalanan hari juga cantik. Hari ni pertama kali kena saman dengan Majlis Bandaraya. Yang paling tak boleh terima sebab ia terjadi di Penang. Pertama kali. What the fish.
Ada banyak hal dalam hampir sebelas hari ini. Nak update, nak cerita tapi tak tahu yang mana satu nak mula.
Sekadar singgah. Nanti, tunggu kepala berisi idea cerita baru di-update ok?
Ingatkan aku. Harus!
p/s : Tarikh 11.1.11 yang cantik tidak menjamin perjalanan hari juga cantik. Hari ni pertama kali kena saman dengan Majlis Bandaraya. Yang paling tak boleh terima sebab ia terjadi di Penang. Pertama kali. What the fish.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011
Alhamdulillah, i thanked Allah for every single thing that He gave to me for 2010. I just love the end of year 2010, too much of good things, good news, and yes for the blessed. :)
Everything is perfect. Got a new job, a new environment, and of course a new hope. But the most unexpected news is that, ehem.. i shouldnt reveal it here. But i promise that my so-called good news will be shared here with loads of pictures. Take my words. :)
Thank you Allah, Alhamdulillah.
So, hello 2011. Be nice to me okay? We have a lot of things to do for this year.
I terribly fear of failing expectations, of not being the best, of not doing or giving enough.
Well, I know I have been so fortunate and blessed it feels surreal, and i just hope that I’ll manage to walk and carry myself well in such magnificent shoes.
Seriously, I hope I truly deserve all these and none of it will slip out of my hands.
Please include me in your du’as, will you?
:)
Everything is perfect. Got a new job, a new environment, and of course a new hope. But the most unexpected news is that, ehem.. i shouldnt reveal it here. But i promise that my so-called good news will be shared here with loads of pictures. Take my words. :)
Thank you Allah, Alhamdulillah.
So, hello 2011. Be nice to me okay? We have a lot of things to do for this year.
I terribly fear of failing expectations, of not being the best, of not doing or giving enough.
Well, I know I have been so fortunate and blessed it feels surreal, and i just hope that I’ll manage to walk and carry myself well in such magnificent shoes.
Seriously, I hope I truly deserve all these and none of it will slip out of my hands.
Please include me in your du’as, will you?
:)
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