Life is not always a bed of roses

I tried not to write a new post regarding to my pregnancy. Maybe i was too excited since this is my first time and i didn't expect that it can be this early. Allah nak bagi rezeki awal aku pun tak sangka. Syukur sangat masa dapat tahu yang aku pregnant. Masa tu my first check up showed that i'm 4 weeks pregnant, masa tu hari Sabtu lepas.

My first check up was with Aizat. Luckily Aizat ada hari tu. I tried to check with the pregnancy test 3 days before and the result memang positive. So aku sangat sure yang aku pregnant but since Aizat asked me to wait for him to do the check up, so we decided to do it on Saturday.

Everything seems to be fine. We were so excited and Aizat seems to be very happy on the result. So do I. He called his mom, my dad and few other relatives to share the good news. So much good things to share and i forgot that sometimes, life is not always a bed of roses.

Allah nak menduga tak perlu guna isyarat. Dia bagi aku rasa gembira dan kecewa pada hari yang sama. Malam tu..aku bleeding. It was not that bad, tapi bleeding during early pregnancy is not a good sign. Seriously. Aku down sangat masa tu. Aku menangis tak henti di bahu Aizat sampai aku terlena pun aku tak sedar. Luckily Aizat was there at that night. If he wasn't there, i'm not sure what will happened to me. Syukurlah, Allah turunkan peringatan kepada aku semasa suami aku ada. At least, aku ada Aizat yang boleh tumpangkan bahu.

We went to the specialist the next day. Doktor cakap rahim aku tak kuat sebab tu aku bleeding. Alhamdulillah, by using ultrasound my baby is still there. Still dalam kantung. But to small to predict pembesaran baby. It is only about 9mm in size, expected baru 4weeks. Doktor bagi aku MC for a week to cool down, to relax and dia tak benarkan aku buat kerja-kerja berat. Just relax di rumah sampai aku betul-betul stable.

So ikut jadual, esok (Ahad) aku akan buat another check up lagi. To confirm is there any new changes of the size of my baby. Alhamdulillah sekarang ni aku dah tak bleeding, just having light spotting and it has been a week. Aku tak sure whether it is a normal thing or it is not. Aku redha dengan dugaan Allah ni.

Allah Maha Adil. Itu pasti. I just do not want to lose this baby. It means a lot to me. Having someone inside your womb is like having the greatest gift from God that only special persons will experience that. Harap-harap aku ada tuah itu. Harap-harap baby aku okay. Harap-harap baby aku kuat. Harap-harap aku dapat besarkan dia sampai dia lahir nanti.


InsyaAllah. Jauh dari sudut hati aku, aku bersyukur dengan apa yang jadi. Ia bukan musibah, tidak sama sekali. Sekadar peringatan dari Allah, yang hidup tanpa dugaan bukan hidup yang sebenar. Dan, sesungguhnya dugaan Allah bermakna sayang Allah pada hambanya.

p/s : Anak ibu, tolong kuat, tolong bertahan.

Ibu ada.

Sentiasa ada.

*nangis*